On Gratitude

Inspired by Liz @ In Omnia Paratus, I can't help but be extremely grateful for the farm these last few weeks. Despite all the anxiety and worry, I am lucky in a number of ways;

- Both Hubs and I are able to work remote, and are doing so
- My horses live at home, and I don't have to worry about losing access to them
- The dogs are thrilled, and haven't seen their kennels in forever and sleeping on heated blankets all day is the best.

We have all we need, at the moment, and mostly it's just battling sedentary work schedules and dogs who seem to think any time after 1 pm is game for annoying me into playing with them.

Farm wise, everything is wet, with standing water, but we have only the barest areas of snow left in the shady spots. The ring is slowly emerging from being generally unrideable (I swear, it sunk this winter. UGH) due to being wet, but the paddock is a muddy puddly mess. The horses are fine with this (especially Arya) but Bailey has a bit of thrush so we need to be treating that. I've been enjoying my Evo Hoofcare rasps a lot, and feel like I'm making slow, but positive changes to certain things, like hoof balance side to side.

Riding wise, things have been slowly continuing. I'm still struggling with Bailey and her fake connection, which has been something I've been playing with off and on over the last 6 months so far. It's been especially slow when I couldn't video myself over the winter, and Bailey is so short backed it's harder for me to know what I'm seeing and feeling, because she just looks so much more naturally compact. Especially my last few rides, which have been SPOOKY and excitable, it's been frustrating. I wish I could go take lessons, but alas... I will have to continue to struggle on.

Those tires are HAUNTED and the wood pile next to them is the HOME OF SATAN

Arya has been coming back to work with ground work, and now two walking rides. She's the riskier creature to ride when you definitely don't want to fall off and get hurt, but I've been trying to be fair to her as she also has a need to be Not Bored and I'd like for her to progress. So far, the walking has been uneventful. Yesterday's walk was more of a cool out after a Arya-emotion filled line session where she wanted to charge around, challenge authority and blow through my directions to do what she wanted (be a kite). She was sweaty and puffing hard, and once I swung a leg over, I did feel like she wanted to pick at me a little bit, pulling on my inside rein vs giving, occasionally moving her shoulders against what I was asking, jigging a bit. Nothing felt super dangerous, and she defused down, but we'll likely wait for trotting until she can be a bit more obedient and not pick fights.

Hopefully the ring dries out more so I can do more jumping, and also ride Bailey NOT next to the scary side of the arena. Today is kind of cool and misty, so not exactly what I was hoping for, but I'm here, I'm able to keep moving forward, and working from home for the foreseeable forever is a gift in these otherwise trying times. 

2020: What we have been up to thus far

Hey, bloggerland. It's been a hot minute, for sure.

I'm not sure if anyone bothers to keep up with this blog anymore, because, well, nothing ever happens. The weather is starting to move towards the first of what is generally many iterations and variations of spring in Minnesota, and I'm starting to think about getting my riding back on track.

Winter has been a surprising lot of this

But mostly this.

I started a new job back at the end of January. I got some riding in over the holidays for sure, but we were also dealing with cold temperatures, so I didn't do quite as much as I wanted. As I mentioned in my last post, S (aka Bailey's mom's mom) came and sorted Arya out, and I definitely made a lot of progress with her. However, when the new job started, my riding has been confined pretty exclusively to weekends, and that schedule really doesn't work with Arya's behavior issues. Until the light comes back and I can ride mid-week safely (because we also gained some sketchy footing over the last few months off and on) I have focused on Bailey, and lunge Arya. She continues to have reminders that she needs to be obedient and wear tack and not be a giant asshole, but getting on her and fighting with her for two subsequent days, and then letting her sit for five isn't productive in my mind - we make progress for ride #2, and then back slide over the week, wash, rinse, repeat.

Jumps, Mahm.

JUMPS

So Bailey has been the focus in 2020 thus far; she has worn mostly dressage tack, and we've worked how we can with the footing melting down and icing down. She's been doing more work in the front field, which generally has been more rideable than the arena ice wise, and has been a shockingly solid citizen. Once we have footing where I can do more (i.e. I don't need to punch down a riding path in the ice topped snow and then stay on it to prevent massive tripping) I am going to put her back into a routine of lateral work on the flat, dressage based focus and hopefully jumping again. We haven't jumped in the new year until last weekend, and it was a delight. Bailey lit up like Christmas to see jumps, and was extremely excited (read: there was lots of zooming) to play with them. I kept this first session pretty short - just my metal barrels and the culvert covered show jump in the front field, and I didn't harp too much on her, other than trying to break her down into some form of vaguely ride-able, adjustable, stoppable type horse.

One of the big wins of this year so far is a great change (at least by feel, it's been too cold for the Pivo and my phone) in Bailey's canter. I feel like she's always looked upright due to her neck and the way it attaches to her body, but she doesn't naturally sit and flex her hocks at the canter, and she naturally seems to move much more daisy-cutter-esque than I really want. Particularly in the new dressage saddle, I'm feeling much more able to really sit her down behind and lift her up in front. We had a particularly magical breakthrough the last time it snowed nicely, and I've been able to recreate a really lovely sitable canter (which, bounce bucket pony isn't always sitable) that feels super and uphill.

We've been nibbling away at other skills, but a second win of 2020 so far is hacking. I've been making a point to hacking out as much as I can after my rides. We tend to ride the same track, but I feel like familiarity is fine at this point, as Bailey still gets very up and wired depending on the day, despite the boring familiarity of the hack path. We go out through the front field, around the pastures and the hay field tree island, and then back up through the house's back-back yard, around the barn to the doors. It's not a massive hack, but Bailey seems to be building confidence I'd like to keep building on out in open spaces. She's been a horrid trail horse or road horse to date, and while I never seem to have problems XC schooling, she has always been a little wild to take down a road or trail and I'd like to improve her abilities there.

So here we are, coming in to spring. Or it feels like it, at least. Arya's mane got roached down over the weekend, and I am starting the (obnoxious) process of shortening Bailey's back into a less feral look. I'm really looking forward to coming opportunities to ride during the week more regularly, and hope that this warm weather stays long enough to melt my riding arena's crust of annoying ice. I like field riding, but that will have to stop if the ground gets soft enough, as I don't want to destroy it for the year with hoof marks. Plus I don't yet trust Arya in the front field, so I'd love to have the time and footing to get her started again.

Oh, and Bailey has developed a love affair with Mrs. Pastures cookies. Unfortunately I am an idiot and left the bag within reach of her overnight, and came in to do AM turnout to a basically brand new 5 lb bag of cookies empty on the shelf, and a very self satisfied BB. She's had no fallout from her cookie pig fest, other than her mom being too indignant to immediately go buy more fancy cookies.

Life is hard at the farm, if you ask her :)

A Decade of the Fox Rider

I am loving this decade reflection stuff, even if I think I'm going to be really bad at it, here we go:

2009: I was blogging (badly) over at The Fox Rider Blogs. Foxie was my one and only, ride or die girl, and I was starting my college adventures. We were boarding at a ritzy heated fancy hunter/jumper barn, and Fox was retired from jumping after her DDFT injury.

2010: I continued to be bad at blogging, and met a new trainer. I brought Foxie back into work and started chasing the eventing dream. Foxie came back into showing and went "home" to our old barn for their Fall Fun Show, and earned a bunch of red ribbons.

2011: Fox and I went to our first USEA-sanctioned event at Otter Creek Farm. We stopped out on XC in the pouring rain after four fences. I started to get annoyed with my trainer, and we went to Roebke's Run, where I got stopped for jumping into the water vs using the BN entrance. In late fall I had basically broken up with my trainer, and went to fall Roebke's and finished a real event, placing 7th. As the year wrapped up, I actually started to learn how to put my horse into the bridle and ride on the flat.

2012: In 2012, I continue to over fitness my bay horse (she was so, so fit, omg) and train myself, but in March, I left the heated fancy barn (and the angry trainer and barn owner) for a less fancy barn that also didn't have staff that hit my horse. So, trade offs. I bought my little trailer, Foxie settled in at the new barn and magically didn't have tons of problems with her weight when I started feeding her what she needed. Foxie went to Carriage House and placed 7th. We XC schooled with an old friend from my first barn and I first noticed some (fateful) swelling in Foxie's hind, but she was sound, so we schooled and had a great ride. In July, we diagnosed Foxie's suspensory injury and I fell off the grid for a while.

2013: Foxie came sound in January, and I celebrated by getting on her bareback over her blanket, and riding her bridless in the round pen. She got fitter and we figured out a new normal of mostly sound flatwork. I graduated from college, and got a grown up job. And spent my First paycheck on Bailey. I got busy putting more rides on her and started her jumping.

2014: Bailey and I started working with the on site H/J trainer and did some baby jumpies. Bailey alternated between being good and forgetting she had legs. After a lot of struggle in the late winter and spring, Bailey learned to load, though she also attempted to keel haul me through the trailer that one time. We cliniced with our local biomechanics guru and with Lucinda green. Bailey finished her first starter event in July at Roebke's Run. In August, we went to our second horse trial, and finished second. and in September, won the starter divison at Roebke's Run. Foxie hangs out and is fabulous and does nice dressage this whole year, and in December, models for some family pictures with me and the now husband.

2015: I got engaged, and Bailey and I started to struggle, especially in the indoor. I was estranged from my parents and had the horror of seeing them hiding in a clump of bushes as I came down the center line for Bailey's final starter test at Otter Creek. I ended up laying down a really lovely test that I'm really proud of, but the show jumping fell apart; The XC was the baby horse olympics, and Bailey was great, so ending on a positive note. We rode with Lucinda Green and struggled to go forward with a tired horse. Bailey did her first BN at Roebke's Run in late summer and we got in trouble (again) as I battled my spooky horse with a somewhat excessive use of my crop behind my leg. Schooling at that venue after, we had a mostly positive ride with a big old struggle bus of stopping at a bigger table fence towards the end of the ride.  We struggled more and more as winter came again, and Bailey started going back to her spooky ass ways.

2016: I got married. Bailey started to get better, and I started to ride better. Chicken Egg. We moved to the (new) fancy heated barn, and some things were good and some were not so good. Bailey jumped a lot of jumpies there, and that was great. We rode with Dom Schramm, and I launched my photography career with the help of a fabulous barn owner who used my services a lot. Fox got to see an XC course for the first time in years, and was sooo excited. We struggled with Foxie's weight, and she and Bailey got to live together for the first time in a long time. I continued to chase down XC and Jumping demons into the winter, though Bailey did a lot better in that indoor than in the previous one.

2017: We bought a farm, and moved the girls home. Bailey and I showed at Carriage House at BN, and brought home a red ribbon. Arya came home in July, and was a conspicuously good baby horse. We also got the Knox puppy and I had a hell of a time managing the farm (and Arya having a tendon injury) and new puppy for three weeks on my own while Hubs was away with the military. In late August, Foxie went through the fence, and we put her down the first week of September. Ginny and the Donkey came to live with us; Ginny left us in December when Arya wouldn't stop trying to kill her / make her cede dominance.

I am aware that's Ginny on the left. I apparently took no pictures in 2018.

2018: Kahlua gets to go out with the mares, and I bring home Bizzy. Life continues to life on. I learn a lot of farm lessons, and they aren't always easy. Between hay and finances and life, Bizzy went on to her new, awesome career as a nurse mare at the end of the year. Arya and I make progress, and regress. Bailey starts to step into Foxie's shoes and becomes more of a easy ride.

2019: I fight a lot with fear and a lack of toolkit with Arya. I feel like we're making progress early on, and then Arya is quicked by the farrier and spends the next three months abscessing. Bailey does dressage, and jumpies, and is a good girl. We school at Otter Creek and I lay some major demons to rest. We find her a good bit, and go saddle shopping. Moose comes back into work, but continues to have some major attitude problems.

Exciting end of year update: My dear, slightly crazy friend S came and rode Arya, and showed me how to ride through her bullying attempts to scare you. I still struggle with some fear issues, but Arya and I have had several productive rides since then. The footing has gone a bit to shit, but I am so excited to continue this into the new year.

General Catch Up

I've been trying to blog, guys, I sincerely miss it.

The combo of my work computer not allowing me to comment or post, and the phone interface on google chrome being relatively useless has resulted in a lot of drafts and very few actual posts. So let's do some catch up, and hopefully I can get photos in!

The horses have been in work, particularly since October. It's been a great distraction and stress reliever for me. Bailey has done some jumping, though it's been too wet to do it often, and we've been working on straightness, consistent contact, and re-installing the half halt that has wandered off again. I bought a dressage saddle (more on that below!) and she's been going really, really nicely. 

Arya was doing her now-routine walk and small amounts of trot work, and was starting to improve in the category of "starting shit". Her usual evasion, rearing, has become less fun now that I don't freak out, and she occasionally gets mad and defaults back to refusing to move, but I've also had some rearing moments resolve back into productive work. We've had some larger tension problems as the temps have dropped, and the last time I got on her, I got off pretty quickly (it felt like she was alternating between bucking and rearing and she wouldn't stop jigging) and put her back on the line. At this point, working her involves almost an hour of lunging and ground work; she feels the need to go out and tear around on the line until she's tired, and then we do our small work, and then I would get on a soaked and puffing horse to "ride". Her ulcers seem to be back (always...) and work was just miserable, so I've taken a step back and we've only played on the ground for a few weeks now, which is much more fun.

I'm also toying with massage and stretching - both seem to really encourage relaxion in Arya, in particular, and the massage has been beneficial for both horses so far. I'm heavily in the market for a massage book or two - does anyone have a recommendation there?? I'd love some outside input!

Speaking of purchases, I caved in early November and got a trial Stubben Aramis. And then I promptly fell in love with it, despite my best intentions to try and hate it. My leg is able to contact much more of Bailey, and is much more correct in the way it hangs. I'm much more stable and I'm starting to fight my habits of tipping my hips forward and then collapsing my upper body. I've been using my PIVO heavily to video rides in trial saddles, and now rides as I try to improve my dressage, and I'm becoming so much more body aware lately. My wandering outside elbow, my wiggly hands and my slumped upper body are all starting to look better to me!

In addition to overhauling my position, I've been feeling some good progress with Bailey as a benefit of fixing myself, along with the focus I've been putting on laying the basics back on her. We've been hacking around the pasture fence as well and that has gotten so much better. The first few times were a bit scary with a very up, spooky horse, but she seems to be figuring out that the neighbor's cows aren't coming for her (yet). 

So yeah, that has been what we've been up to. Working away, enjoying the cool to cold but no snow yet weather as much as we can. I'm eyeballing items for my Christmas list (we do a family secret santa style gift exchange to keep the holidays more affordable) and any Black Friday splurges I might actually need...

I'm trying to figure out a cooler for Arya, as my main focus. Even with "just" lunging, she's been getting very sweaty, which means that when I work both horses, Bailey's cooler is generally soaked and hanging to dry, or actually on Arya. I can't decide which brands are worth my time, and I just noticed my default Weatherbeeta Therapy-tec combo neck cooler is gone in Arya's size off of their clearance... so it's time to ask for suggestions there, too.

So, anyone who still reads this: 

- Favorite massage books? Or ones you've heard good things about?

- Best cooler? I heavily prefer ones with neck covers, and need something that will work well and move a pretty heavy amount of moisture without taking 40,000 years. Also prefer straps to secure it - I don't turn out in fleece, but Arya does stall walk and I often work her first and let her stand in her stall while I work Bailey and she dries.

Change, decisions, possible insanity

A lot of you have been with Bailey and I since her #feralredhorse beginnings. It means so much to have any small connection with the super cool blogger world that exists, and writing this blog has given me the chance to be thoughtful and learn and explore space I haven’t been able to otherwise. And now I’m back, hopefully to post more but also to see if anyone is still out there to talk to.

I’m on the cusp of a big life change, and am looking down the barrel of a bigger life change sometime in the next year. It could bring good things, it could bring bad things. It’s one thing I’ve never done before after another, and I’m not sure how to process it yet. I also don’t feel safe blogging about it because for all I know, my family could technically still care enough to stalk this blog, and I’d rather not hand them information they don't deserve about my life. So, sorry about the generalities.

But through all this change and anxiety and fear, I’m also gaining some perspective. I miss working with a system I used to work with, so I’m pursuing getting back to what makes me happy and sets my work life on fire. I have been finding grit and determination in myself that has lead to me sitting through some major lessons with Arya. Feeling her kind of shock and “well what do I do next” attitude after sitting chilly through a series of rears, and attempts to yank the reins out of my hands and get me to quit was a really triumphant moment for me.

The reason for this post, though, is B. My friendly, amiable, relatively straight forward B. I’ve felt like she hasn’t been happy in her work lately; she’s hard to catch sometimes, and while obedient, she rarely exudes joy like she used to. She doesn’t love doing tons of dressage. She doesn’t seem to really enjoy eventing. She can be eager and forward on an XC course, but is also prone to being looky and unpredictable. She’s utterly pleasant to flat around, and she loves the occasional jumpies.

And I can’t help wonder, does she just want to be a hunter? Or even just a broodmare?

And what do I do? Do I try to retrain her as a hunter and find her a home where she is happy? Do I try to change disciplines despite feeling like I’m too much of an eventer to ever be able to ride a suitable hunter round? I already have enough problems with my confidence as an eventer, so I wonder... would low hunters be my thing? No more dressage, no more XC. But I also realize that I don’t enjoy a sport that generally makes me cry with joy anymore because, honestly, it’s not as fun when your horse doesn’t enjoy her job.

I’ve felt divorced from Bailey, lately. She doesn’t seem to want to work for me, and having an extroverted, very interested in me horse who often marches up and demands my attention, it’s even more clear that something isn’t the same with me and my feral red girl. She doesn’t hate me (despite my dramatic retellings of days she’d rather play than be caught). I can sit outside her stall and she will acknowledge me, but doesn’t go out of her way to want to be with me, where Arya is always curious and testing and interested.

So here I am, contemplating trying to hold onto a horse by letting go of dreams, or letting go of a horse to find her a job she might actually enjoy.

But first, like... how do I hunter? (Since no practice is needed for B to become a broodmare).

Choke (again)

Just as I was writing blog posts excitedly comparing saddles I have tried and want to acquire, Bailey has to go and blow a relatively sizable chunk of the "saddle money" I had coming in this month. Clearly, she is boycotting dressage, which, I mean... I get. I am a dreadful dressage rider after all my time in the last few years riding in jump saddles with a chair seat, and I am sure it's not any more fun for a horse who doesn't want to use her body correctly or have even muscles. She just wants to do the occasional jumpies and be a ridiculous chestnut butterfly.

I would prefer, however, she pick less expensive ways to make her preferences known. 

I was in her stall with her, and was starting to  get her tacked up to take another ride in my trial Stubben Maestoso when she started flipping her lip. I had added magnesium to her feed (it honestly seems to be doing fabulous things for reary-mc-asshole) so I assumed she had tasted it. Then she started to cough. Big, deep coughs. Then kind of a roaring noise (not sure if she was breaking in or out). And then came the mucus.

She did try hard to clear it; she was coughing, mucusing and clearly uncomfortable. I waited about a half hour or so, and then put a call into the vet. This started around 6 PM, and the vet didn't roll in (as she had a more emergency emergency to attend to first) until probably 9:30 or so. Then we got her drugged up, started to tube, drugged her some more, and while it didn't seem to take too long (other than trying to get the obstruction to become less sludge and more something that will run out of the damn tube), we did bloody her nose spectacularly - including a giant slug of blood clot that she was basically smothering herself with. The vet packed up her stuff, took my money for her rather exorbitant fee, handed me some SMZs and went home, and I trudged my ass inside to go to bed. I think I probably seemed pretty unconcerned at this point, just shutting off the lights and going inside, but like... I was frozen, and tired, and couldn't listen to her wheeze anymore, so I put myself to bed.

This morning I scooped her up a pound of Ultium, watered it well, and cursed SMZs as I snapped them into her food. She ate it slowly, and clearly is very sore still, and didn't finish it, because, of course. I tossed her out into the dark, and she power walked her hungry ass out to the pasture after I slapped her bum to get her to stop eating hay out of the manure cart. Arya stayed in with her, and seemed content enough - she was down when I got out this morning, and mostly seemed annoyed last night that we were preventing her beauty sleep.

I'm super tired today (surprise surprise) and probably have a permanent glare for the day, but I'm hoping to come home to a perkier horse who doesn't sound like Darth Vader, and maybe I can play with Arya around finding a syringe for the SMZs and trying to stay conscious until an appropriate hour. Anyone have any pro tips on feeding horses who choke?

We're Still Here!

The blog of late has been quiet; it gets that way, in the summer, when you have a million things on your to-do list - and mow for approximately 6 hours every damn weekend. And things haven't been exciting, no big news, no big changes. So I guess I'm just checking in to say we still exist.

I have been riding. And for the most part, it's been good or great. We haven't had a lot of goals in riding, lately, but Bailey is improving in her ability to go straight, punctuated by generally great jump schools, and Arya is showing off how light and lovely she can  be, in between being her usual Arya-ish self. 

The mares have seen the saddle fitter, and I'm now shopping for a new dressage saddle. It breaks my heart to list my Vision dressage for sale, as I have invested so much love, time and effort into restoring it and bringing it back to it's proper, beautiful state. It's truly a beautiful, comfortable saddle, but alas, when your saddle is curvy and your horses are flat, not much can be done. As an aside, if you know someone shopping for a really cool dressage saddle - or someone selling a two tone dressage saddle that is wide and generally flat front to back, hit me up.

The pasture adventure has gone 1000% better this year, as, shockingly, has the whole "hay" thing. It's been a tough year with high prices, and I am so very, very fortunate to have gotten two cuts. That, combined with what I have leftover from last year, means I am set for the winter. 

As the weather is starting to feel like fall, we've settled in for a quiet, if busy month. I'm continuing to experiment with Arya trying to work through some of her issues and get her back on track and hopefully keep her in work this winter, and my fall plans to XC school and play are on hold, at least temporarily, while I wait for the brake line to get fixed on my hauling truck. I'm hoping to squeeze in a few more projects yet this year (preferably to fill the weeks until I can go jump the jumpies); mainly putting in fill around the barn and putting up some gutters, because suddenly its rainy and I'm remembering how damp the barn can get when water comes in under the doors... or like last winter/spring.... under the walls. Eyeroll. 

So... we're still here. I'm quiet, but nothing is wrong. Hopefully I'll be able to figure out gifs and be able to show off some riding, and some trial saddles, once I'm able to saddle shop more actively. I'm looking pretty hard at Thornhill, but I'm wishing I could find something really special that suits my budget. Anyone have any suggestions for affordable, yet awesome dressage saddles?