A lot of you have been with Bailey and I since her #feralredhorse beginnings. It means so much to have any small connection with the super cool blogger world that exists, and writing this blog has given me the chance to be thoughtful and learn and explore space I haven’t been able to otherwise. And now I’m back, hopefully to post more but also to see if anyone is still out there to talk to.
I’m on the cusp of a big life change, and am looking down the barrel of a bigger life change sometime in the next year. It could bring good things, it could bring bad things. It’s one thing I’ve never done before after another, and I’m not sure how to process it yet. I also don’t feel safe blogging about it because for all I know, my family could technically still care enough to stalk this blog, and I’d rather not hand them information they don't deserve about my life. So, sorry about the generalities.
But through all this change and anxiety and fear, I’m also gaining some perspective. I miss working with a system I used to work with, so I’m pursuing getting back to what makes me happy and sets my work life on fire. I have been finding grit and determination in myself that has lead to me sitting through some major lessons with Arya. Feeling her kind of shock and “well what do I do next” attitude after sitting chilly through a series of rears, and attempts to yank the reins out of my hands and get me to quit was a really triumphant moment for me.
The reason for this post, though, is B. My friendly, amiable, relatively straight forward B. I’ve felt like she hasn’t been happy in her work lately; she’s hard to catch sometimes, and while obedient, she rarely exudes joy like she used to. She doesn’t love doing tons of dressage. She doesn’t seem to really enjoy eventing. She can be eager and forward on an XC course, but is also prone to being looky and unpredictable. She’s utterly pleasant to flat around, and she loves the occasional jumpies.
And I can’t help wonder, does she just want to be a hunter? Or even just a broodmare?
And what do I do? Do I try to retrain her as a hunter and find her a home where she is happy? Do I try to change disciplines despite feeling like I’m too much of an eventer to ever be able to ride a suitable hunter round? I already have enough problems with my confidence as an eventer, so I wonder... would low hunters be my thing? No more dressage, no more XC. But I also realize that I don’t enjoy a sport that generally makes me cry with joy anymore because, honestly, it’s not as fun when your horse doesn’t enjoy her job.
I’ve felt divorced from Bailey, lately. She doesn’t seem to want to work for me, and having an extroverted, very interested in me horse who often marches up and demands my attention, it’s even more clear that something isn’t the same with me and my feral red girl. She doesn’t hate me (despite my dramatic retellings of days she’d rather play than be caught). I can sit outside her stall and she will acknowledge me, but doesn’t go out of her way to want to be with me, where Arya is always curious and testing and interested.
So here I am, contemplating trying to hold onto a horse by letting go of dreams, or letting go of a horse to find her a job she might actually enjoy.
But first, like... how do I hunter? (Since no practice is needed for B to become a broodmare).
I’m on the cusp of a big life change, and am looking down the barrel of a bigger life change sometime in the next year. It could bring good things, it could bring bad things. It’s one thing I’ve never done before after another, and I’m not sure how to process it yet. I also don’t feel safe blogging about it because for all I know, my family could technically still care enough to stalk this blog, and I’d rather not hand them information they don't deserve about my life. So, sorry about the generalities.
But through all this change and anxiety and fear, I’m also gaining some perspective. I miss working with a system I used to work with, so I’m pursuing getting back to what makes me happy and sets my work life on fire. I have been finding grit and determination in myself that has lead to me sitting through some major lessons with Arya. Feeling her kind of shock and “well what do I do next” attitude after sitting chilly through a series of rears, and attempts to yank the reins out of my hands and get me to quit was a really triumphant moment for me.
The reason for this post, though, is B. My friendly, amiable, relatively straight forward B. I’ve felt like she hasn’t been happy in her work lately; she’s hard to catch sometimes, and while obedient, she rarely exudes joy like she used to. She doesn’t love doing tons of dressage. She doesn’t seem to really enjoy eventing. She can be eager and forward on an XC course, but is also prone to being looky and unpredictable. She’s utterly pleasant to flat around, and she loves the occasional jumpies.
And I can’t help wonder, does she just want to be a hunter? Or even just a broodmare?
And what do I do? Do I try to retrain her as a hunter and find her a home where she is happy? Do I try to change disciplines despite feeling like I’m too much of an eventer to ever be able to ride a suitable hunter round? I already have enough problems with my confidence as an eventer, so I wonder... would low hunters be my thing? No more dressage, no more XC. But I also realize that I don’t enjoy a sport that generally makes me cry with joy anymore because, honestly, it’s not as fun when your horse doesn’t enjoy her job.
I’ve felt divorced from Bailey, lately. She doesn’t seem to want to work for me, and having an extroverted, very interested in me horse who often marches up and demands my attention, it’s even more clear that something isn’t the same with me and my feral red girl. She doesn’t hate me (despite my dramatic retellings of days she’d rather play than be caught). I can sit outside her stall and she will acknowledge me, but doesn’t go out of her way to want to be with me, where Arya is always curious and testing and interested.
So here I am, contemplating trying to hold onto a horse by letting go of dreams, or letting go of a horse to find her a job she might actually enjoy.
But first, like... how do I hunter? (Since no practice is needed for B to become a broodmare).
