A lot of you have been with Bailey and I since her #feralredhorse beginnings. It means so much to have any small connection with the super cool blogger world that exists, and writing this blog has given me the chance to be thoughtful and learn and explore space I haven’t been able to otherwise. And now I’m back, hopefully to post more but also to see if anyone is still out there to talk to.
I’m on the cusp of a big life change, and am looking down the barrel of a bigger life change sometime in the next year. It could bring good things, it could bring bad things. It’s one thing I’ve never done before after another, and I’m not sure how to process it yet. I also don’t feel safe blogging about it because for all I know, my family could technically still care enough to stalk this blog, and I’d rather not hand them information they don't deserve about my life. So, sorry about the generalities.
But through all this change and anxiety and fear, I’m also gaining some perspective. I miss working with a system I used to work with, so I’m pursuing getting back to what makes me happy and sets my work life on fire. I have been finding grit and determination in myself that has lead to me sitting through some major lessons with Arya. Feeling her kind of shock and “well what do I do next” attitude after sitting chilly through a series of rears, and attempts to yank the reins out of my hands and get me to quit was a really triumphant moment for me.
The reason for this post, though, is B. My friendly, amiable, relatively straight forward B. I’ve felt like she hasn’t been happy in her work lately; she’s hard to catch sometimes, and while obedient, she rarely exudes joy like she used to. She doesn’t love doing tons of dressage. She doesn’t seem to really enjoy eventing. She can be eager and forward on an XC course, but is also prone to being looky and unpredictable. She’s utterly pleasant to flat around, and she loves the occasional jumpies.
And I can’t help wonder, does she just want to be a hunter? Or even just a broodmare?
And what do I do? Do I try to retrain her as a hunter and find her a home where she is happy? Do I try to change disciplines despite feeling like I’m too much of an eventer to ever be able to ride a suitable hunter round? I already have enough problems with my confidence as an eventer, so I wonder... would low hunters be my thing? No more dressage, no more XC. But I also realize that I don’t enjoy a sport that generally makes me cry with joy anymore because, honestly, it’s not as fun when your horse doesn’t enjoy her job.
I’ve felt divorced from Bailey, lately. She doesn’t seem to want to work for me, and having an extroverted, very interested in me horse who often marches up and demands my attention, it’s even more clear that something isn’t the same with me and my feral red girl. She doesn’t hate me (despite my dramatic retellings of days she’d rather play than be caught). I can sit outside her stall and she will acknowledge me, but doesn’t go out of her way to want to be with me, where Arya is always curious and testing and interested.
So here I am, contemplating trying to hold onto a horse by letting go of dreams, or letting go of a horse to find her a job she might actually enjoy.
But first, like... how do I hunter? (Since no practice is needed for B to become a broodmare).
I’m on the cusp of a big life change, and am looking down the barrel of a bigger life change sometime in the next year. It could bring good things, it could bring bad things. It’s one thing I’ve never done before after another, and I’m not sure how to process it yet. I also don’t feel safe blogging about it because for all I know, my family could technically still care enough to stalk this blog, and I’d rather not hand them information they don't deserve about my life. So, sorry about the generalities.
But through all this change and anxiety and fear, I’m also gaining some perspective. I miss working with a system I used to work with, so I’m pursuing getting back to what makes me happy and sets my work life on fire. I have been finding grit and determination in myself that has lead to me sitting through some major lessons with Arya. Feeling her kind of shock and “well what do I do next” attitude after sitting chilly through a series of rears, and attempts to yank the reins out of my hands and get me to quit was a really triumphant moment for me.
The reason for this post, though, is B. My friendly, amiable, relatively straight forward B. I’ve felt like she hasn’t been happy in her work lately; she’s hard to catch sometimes, and while obedient, she rarely exudes joy like she used to. She doesn’t love doing tons of dressage. She doesn’t seem to really enjoy eventing. She can be eager and forward on an XC course, but is also prone to being looky and unpredictable. She’s utterly pleasant to flat around, and she loves the occasional jumpies.
And I can’t help wonder, does she just want to be a hunter? Or even just a broodmare?
And what do I do? Do I try to retrain her as a hunter and find her a home where she is happy? Do I try to change disciplines despite feeling like I’m too much of an eventer to ever be able to ride a suitable hunter round? I already have enough problems with my confidence as an eventer, so I wonder... would low hunters be my thing? No more dressage, no more XC. But I also realize that I don’t enjoy a sport that generally makes me cry with joy anymore because, honestly, it’s not as fun when your horse doesn’t enjoy her job.
I’ve felt divorced from Bailey, lately. She doesn’t seem to want to work for me, and having an extroverted, very interested in me horse who often marches up and demands my attention, it’s even more clear that something isn’t the same with me and my feral red girl. She doesn’t hate me (despite my dramatic retellings of days she’d rather play than be caught). I can sit outside her stall and she will acknowledge me, but doesn’t go out of her way to want to be with me, where Arya is always curious and testing and interested.
So here I am, contemplating trying to hold onto a horse by letting go of dreams, or letting go of a horse to find her a job she might actually enjoy.
But first, like... how do I hunter? (Since no practice is needed for B to become a broodmare).
Sending lots of positive thoughts. Change can be tough but also good and I know I’ve looked back on change that I thought was scary or bad and actually it worked out for the best.
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion? Keep the horse(s?) that you enjoy spending time with most and that you really click with. That’s tough to tell over a blog and maybe not the specific advice you’re looking for but my experience is that I never mind doing what the horse needs for one that I really get along with. If I don’t, I end up resenting it.
Also, not sure of your personal situation and what it means budget or time wise but having only one horse is a wonderful thing for me. At some point, way in the future, I may need another horse when Katai needs to be retired but otherwise I definitely prefer having just one and the additional time and lower stress that it means to only be caring, outfitting, and paying for one.
Thanks for the thoughts and advice! I feel traitorous thinking about all the pros of going down to one horse, but at the same time... I’m not keeping the girls in consistent work when they live in my back yard. Moving back to boarding likely isn’t going to improve the situation :D plus I can likely funnel some money into lessons, for the first time in forever. It’s a scary change to contemplate, thanks for not making me feel horrible for thinking about it!
DeleteIt is such a tough decision to figure out what to do when your horse seems unhappy. Does she seem to not like to jump any longer, which could indicate maybe some arthritic changes? Maybe she would just like to do some trails and leisurely riding? My old mare started refusing jumps, which I knew meant it was time to retire her from jumping (and her hocks were starting to fuse as well). I switched her over to carriage driving and we had six years of fun in harness before I officially retired her at age 24. There are no easy answers, but you know your mare best. <3
ReplyDeleteI hope all your changes work out and send you on a positive new path! Any type of change is definitely hard but does seem to encourage new and exciting developments in time. You've got this!
B is oddly making it super easy; I don’t know if it’s just more noticeable now that Arya has fully claimed me as her person and is always up my bum outside, but she doesn’t seem to have any new performance issues. Still loves to jump, but moving my jumps to the grass next to the outdoor ring has really woken me up to some conflicts in our personalities - Bailey is extra spooky outside the ring, and trialing dressage saddles has reminded me how surly and nonparticipatory she can get doing collected work. She is interested in me, but isn’t like Arya - she doesn’t come see me at the fence or walk up to me to see me. Catching her has gotten really difficult, and it’s just making me wonder... would she be happier with someone else?
DeleteAgree with Clover Ledge, the change her attitude could be a change in health she is trying to alert you too. Also life is to short to be unhappy in any situation so do what is best for your life right now and the life you'd like to have.
ReplyDeleteI’ll definitely be keeping an eye on her to make sure I’m not just seeing something health related. She likes to jump, and is pleasant enough to flat, but can be stupid spooky about some things and just kind of... doesn’t try when we do collected work. She’s never loved doing lots of collected dressage work, but it just seems glaring lately. Luckily I have time to figure things out!
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