Ulcers (again)

Well, it was 40 degrees yesterday (December 18th) so of freaking course I had to trash all of my well behaved plans and get on a horse. I had planned to get on Bailey, but found her unwilling to rise from a nap in the dark so I did chores first, and then turn in. And then, because apparently I'm a glutton for punishment, I decided, randomly, to lunge Arya in tack. Which turned into riding her. And Bailey basically got skipped because my solar lights ran out of juice as we were starting trot work.

Whoops.

I had planned to give Arya some (more) time off to let the Nexium do it's thing (again) but guess what, guys? It's already doing it's thing. She lunged out nicely but seemed to not trust the ground, which was kind of half melted, half frozen. There was one spot where she kept pulling me out and then ending up on the slick spot, so we had to do some gentle reminders that we don't just pop our shoulder and fly sideways on the line. I was a bit nervous about my decision to ride once I made it- she seemed to be swishing her tail a lot as we went to get the mounting block and didn't want to stand nicely without being gotten after... but no fireworks.

I had been wishing that she would learn to walk and hack like a Denny Emerson horse and I think I might be getting my wish; she marched out pretty politely, and didn't dance around or get weird like she can when she thinks she needs to canter canter canter (Foxie was much worse about this) the minute you get on. She walked out and snorted and sighed, and didn't offer the trot. We did some trotting and again, she was good, if a bit tense. I can't tell if the tension may be protecting her stomach, not wanting to move out on the ground or if she's just... tense. She was, however, very rideable in both directions. She wasn't perfect, but she like... was willing to try bending and was mostly remembering what half halts were. I have low expectations, what can I say :D 

Her canter work was very conservative - she basically wanted to drop to a trot whenever she went through one area where she had slipped previously, despite having since broken the ground down enough that I felt she had decent grip. She's a cautious one! On the other 3/4 of the circle she was steady and good, with just some mild headbanging to remind me that she is a baby OTTB who probably hasn't willingly cantered in weeks due to the ground and she had feelings about it. Which luckily, she didn't act on. Maturity, people.

For a 20 minute ride, it was a good one. She's definitely still got ulcers; I think the tail swishing, and the way she reacted to being brushed tells me that, but she's definitely feeling better. I'm disappointed that the supplement and management I've been doing hasn't been enough; I did swap her to the Smartpak Leg Up Stomach pellets a couple of weeks before she started acting up, but I'm not sure if that means her previous supplement wasn't working, or if this new one isn't working. Or if neither of them work? I need to figure out how I feel about the supplement... hopefully I didn't just buy a year supply of something that doesn't work for her

I've been doing lots of math when it comes to Calcium content of supplements, alfalfa pellets and the two feed options (regular and gastric care Ultium) but I'm lacking so much experience with ulcers. Does anyone have a winning combo they'd be willing to share? I feel like majorly lack experience in caring for an ulcery horse, and these relapses don't exactly help my lack of confidence in this type of management. 

I also am taking note here and on my calendar of her behavior; our ride last night was marked with an open mouth/chomping a lot and an extraordinary amount of rooting to stretch down. It got quite annoying, but she really seemed to want to streeeeetch all the way down, and shockingly her short little neck can make my reins feel too short, like I need OS reins. Could it be a stomach stretching maneuver? The dog stretches when he eats too fast and his stomach hurts because it's too full (he has the weirdest problems)... or perhaps a reaction to walking like she's on eggshells for the last several weeks as the footing has been rutted and rock hard with no snow to pad it, despite cold temps. I'm hoping we get some snow once we go back to non randomly-tropical winter temps.  

Catching Up

First of all, thank you all for the support and sympathy on my last post. Your words brought me to tears, in a good way, and I had to hide in the bathroom at work because despite there being lots of bad things in the world, there sure are a lot of good things, too. And you guys are the top of that list.  

Things have been moving apace here at the farm. The first week of December we said goodbye to Bizzy. When hubby first declared we'd be moving next summer (there may be some changes there, but holding my cards until I'm sure) I reached out to CANTER, where I got her, and asked if they could help me re-home her or how to best go about finding her a new landing place. CANTER came through in a spectacular way, and Bizzy now resides at a farm in VA with a new job as a nursemare. I think she will do fantastically, and the chore and hay stress lightening now that I have one less horse to feed and care for has been nice (if bittersweet). She was kind of uncommonly mean to Bailey, and tried to kick her in the face in passing when Bailey was drinking right before her departure, so I was less sad to see her go than I could have been. 

I broke the tractor (aka blew the hydraulic fluid. Again) but a) fixed it, without having to ask Hubby for help/making him aware and b) also figured out why it's blown all of it's hydraulic fluid like 3 times now and can fix the issue. The problem being that I have to wait for the plug to shift because I stupidly put it back in without the recommended solution. Whoops. Hoping I can fix the issue this weekend. 

I've been working that side gig job and doing some photo work, including at a saddle fitting event that I brought Arya to. I was nervous leaving Bailey home alone, as this was a week and a half after Bizzy left, but she survived just fine without her sister, though she whinnied most piteously when we returned and paced the gate as soon as she saw us. Arya had been off and on good and iffy, and had a really bad day (aka she reared, but shockingly went back to work just fine, and ended the ride hacking around the pasture on the buckle) the day before the clinic, so I tried really hard to keep a lid on it when I did my riding portion of the saddle fit clinic. I brought both dressage saddles and while I was there for free, because #eventphotog, I didn't feel like I got a lot out of the experience. Arya did, however, not totally try to murder me while at the nice heated barn, and everyone thought she was very pretty. I was impressed that she didn't stall walk and actually took a nap while she waited for me to be done, despite being tucked into a corner stall with no other horses nearby. The fitters came to the conclusion that neither of my dressage saddles fit Arya particularly well, but I guess I don't 100% believe that the fit is as bad as they seemed to think. I am going to go back to riding in the jump saddle on Arya exclusively for a while either way as we know that fits her better than anything else.

I've started her back on Ulcer meds, as she seems to be having problems again, but I'll save that for another post - I've got a few stacked up that I've partially summarized into this one, so hopefully you'll forgive this wall of text! I've figured out how to blog at work (Yay!) but I can't include media except by editing posts on my phone (boo!) which sucks as Blogger no longer has an ap. Perhaps its time for a new platform? Idk. I do love blogger. 

The End In The Beginning

I apologize for the radio silence of late. Life has been a lot, lately, and a new job prevents me from blogging at work on my lunch breaks as I had been doing before. 

There have been a lot of big things going on, and it seems like nothing is ever sure enough to post about, but I think it's finally time. Over the last few months, my marriage has been in trouble. We've fought, my husband has gone off the deep end and tried to prevent me from buying hay to feed my horses after our hay guy decided he just wasn't going to cut our field again despite his promises, and that was added to stress on our finances that already exists. I've considered divorce, and honestly, it's still not off the table. But for right now, we're trying to focus as a team on getting ourselves into a better financial place, which is the first step in the other big, crappy life event coming down the tube.

We're going to be moving away from the farm.

My husband has never been happy here. He doesn't like the commute, he doesn't like the house and he doesn't like all of the work having property has come with. I think we have a lot of things to discuss before we figure out where we go next (and if we're going there together) but either way, I can't stay on the farm by myself, and he doesn't want to stay, so either way, I'm going to have to say goodbye to my beloved farm. 

It's already begun, and every day is like a little bereavement, knowing that all of the work I've done, and all of the stress and happiness and joy and pain I've experienced over  the last year and a half won't be my future. I'm dreading heading back to boarding. 

Sometimes I can see the huge pros; I can have my free time back from chores and projects and endless mowing and weedwhacking. I can have an indoor. I will have a place to get away and make new friends and build a social life that isn't dogs and horses while I wait for my husband to come home from his own social life. I won't be tied down because I have to feed and do stalls.

But there are also huge cons. I heavily manage Arya's ulcery self through forage, and boarding barns at least locally seem to not feed hay like I need. I will have to struggle with keeping weight on them again, if I can't provide my own feed or can't sustain the extra cost when I'm forced to pay for barn grain that I don't want to use. I'm already anxious about introducing Arya to a herd of horses again; after her fights with Ginny, I'm nervous she's going to get hurt. Or hurt someone else's horse. I won't be able to walk out the door to blanket, and I won't be able to sit in the barn every night and listen to the quiet munching of content horses. I won't get to work from home and watch them playing and running out the window. I'll still be tied down, because someone still has to go home to feed and let out the dogs. 

I haven't ridden consistently in far too long, and it breaks my heart. The rides I have squeezed in; sneaking out of the house and doing chores at double time to squeeze in a ride under the lights or hopping on a horse when my husband is doing inside work and can't say I'm neglecting the work I need to do outside to get the property ready for sale next spring and summer; have been generally good. Bailey is out of shape, and I get annoyed with her, and Arya has been good, but she never progresses because I never have time to do more than drill the basics. 

And now it's dark at 5 pm and my heart is heavy. I don't know what the future is going to bring, and I am desperately trying to figure out how to afford two horses not at home again. It's amazing how much it hurts to even think about board prices again, and how much anxiety I have already about Arya, in particular. 

I'm also disgusted with myself because I don't want to ride Bailey. She's not fun when she's out of shape, and has spent the last year and a half out of shape, pretty much, after being fit and in good work the year before. It's like night and day, and it eats me up. I wonder if she's not the horse for me. I wonder if anyone would actually pay money to lease her. I can't fathom selling her, but I also choose to ride Arya over her, and still feel inkling guilt that people think she deserves to be showing and out there being big and fancy and on display. 

I'm extra hopeless about my riding situation because I'll shortly be starting a part time job, because apparently I don't pull enough of the financial weight around my house. And while I am hoping I can still squeeze in rides, they're still going to be inconsistent and it's going to be hard, as of course winter decided to show up after a week of disgustingly wet weather and freeze my paddocks into modern art and flood my arena into a skating rink.

TL;DR: My life is a mess, and I'm sorry. It's not going to stop. It probably won't get better, and I'm also highly likely to spend a good portion of the winter in a deep, deep depression. I feel like I've poured my soul into my farm and I don't know who I am anymore, and now that I'm facing some huge and terrifying changes, I am drowning. 

Slow Updates

I'm a bad blogger, and I'm sorry.

It's been a busy couple of weeks in my life, though the riding side of my life has been pretty routine.

RE: my last post, I swapped all the girls to Ultium Competition and have added canola oil to their diets, and I'm really happy with how they look. It brought back a nice shine into Bailey's suddenly dull coat, Bizzy seems to be gaining that extra bit of weight, and Arya looks fantastic. 

Before I could decide on a supplement for continued gastric support, we got some cool weather and Arya spent a lot of time huddled in the shelter, and I think she gave herself ulcers in that process. We had a tough day on the line last week Monday and then Tuesday when I got on, I knew we needed to get some Nexium back into our lives; she reverted back to her explosive, behind the leg, offended by the leg and contact overly defensive self and I got off pretty quickly. She's had about a week off at this point, and has been on Nexium, and our ride last night was extremely positive. She really responded nicely to inside-leg-to-outside-rein and walk-trot-cantered both directions without dramatics or trying to bolt/kill me.

So I definitely need to get some gastric support on board ASAP, and despite myself I'm eyeballing the Gastric Care Ultium again along with G.U.T by Uckele. It feels odd that I pull her off of the gastric care feed and she relapses, but also I happened to time it with a few days stretch of misty cool days. Today it's rainy and cool, but the mares are out on the pasture after spending the night tucked into the shelter (and I've been keeping the hay nets in the shelter filled since this cool weather kicked in).

Work got busy with our system's go-live weekend fuckery, and I got a new job all at the same time, so I've missed some rides due to that, but on the whole, both horses (now that Satan's Mistress has been ulcer-medicined back into a horse I recognize) have been working really well. Bailey has been jumping a lot, lately, and we tried some of the different bits we have around to see if I could get her off her forehand and to stop leaning on my hands constantly because she was too out of shape to want to carry herself. We tried a slow twist full cheek with a Dr. Bristol center link (funky, but too much) and have been using the Beval/loop ring Shires bit I have lately, which was pretty decent. I want to add a chain or gag cheeks to it because she does tend to hang on it more than she does other bits, but we shall see. She also finally put in a very solid, polite dressage school last night - without spurs.

I've been jumping without spurs out of lazyiness and have just been carrying a crop, but the dressage school was pretty darn good. Her canter departs aren't quite as clean as they are with spurs, but she reacts to my leg (which never used to happen) and stays forward with just the occasional showing or tap of the crop. It's nice to feel like I have my old horse back, and I'm determined to keep her working and in better shape so we don't have to struggle for a month before I feel like I can ride her well.

The last bit of news I have is that because I got a new job, I bought myself a present. Because that makes sense, right? There has been a Courbette Vision dressage saddle in a delightful 33 cm tree (I have never seen a 33cm marked Courbette for sale) on Ebay that was located in Germany, and I've been lusting after it for like three months now. And after I put in my notice, I came home and got into a bit of a offer-war with the seller, and it's now on it's way towards me from Poland, I think. I need to get my tack room settled for winter, and soon will have four saddles, so I need to figure out stirrups (and I'm debating if I get normal stirrups, ones that will fit my mukluks if I ride in them, or both), leathers and covers. Arya's black Courbette Galant came with a cover from the friend I bought it from, and I purchased stirrup leathers, and had irons for it, but the cover isn't waterproof and I don't have any other strap goods left in my stash now except for a very old pair of unlined black stirrup leathers, and they aren't matched (annoying). Between the saddle and Arya's fancy new boots, she's going to be looking very spiffy!

Wondering Wednesday: What's in your feed bucket

As my brain is turning towards fall and winter again (especially after the chilly misty mornings we've been having) I've been looking at my girls' diets and trying to prepare them for cooler weather with extra calories and to make sure I'm happy with the changes I've made in their diets both for Bailey's choke and trying to consolidate my feeding. I've also been thinking again about Arya's ulcers, and was hoping the blogger community could help me out with supplements.

Arya is no longer getting the Gastric Care Ultium; I wasn't really convinced it was doing anything other than being just as expensive as her previous feed with fewer calories. From what I could tell, Ultium Competition has more calcium in it than the Gastric care, and while it's a nice feed, I figured calories was more important to me this winter. So I am thinking of changing out Arya's pre-ride meal with Alfalfa pellets (soaked) which is less fun in the winter, but doable. I am also thinking I should try to find a supplement to add to her routine to help safeguard against the stresses of this time of year; swapping from pasture to hay and changing weather sounds like something that would set off her gastric issues and I'd like to prevent any recurrences.

I found a video I took last winter (January) right before I quit riding her for a month to get her back adjusted, and eventually treated for ulcers, and guys... it's painful. Arya is never lacking in sass under saddle but her lashing  tail and tiny steps and the throwing herself sideways shows me a horse that (while she was being rude and definitely defaults easily to the wild asshole side of her) was really in a lot of discomfort. And I don't want to have that happen again. Not only because I really don't want to die, but also because that isn't a very nice way to exist.

Sooo, blogger folks:

What type of gastric or ulcer support supplement do you feed? Do you take any seasonal precautions to prevent ulcers? 

Crabby Crabby Fat Fats

The horses have been getting a decent amount of work lately, but is hasn't been totally consistent. Post choke incident, Bailey got nearly a full week off, did some lovely W/T/C work in Arya's micklem, and then got to play western barrel pony for Jaqi for her next ride. Since then, we've been struggling with some annoying crabby pony issues; she still coughs a bit, and I am trying to be as soft and allowing of that as I can be, but she also is determined that coughing includes running and then diving onto her forehand.

Obviously, me and my half halts are not her favorite person right now. I'm thinking I'll bit her up for a ride or two to reinstall the half halt and the concept of carrying one's own head, and then we will work on our dressage and jumping with the continued goal of that October schooling show we did last year, and maybe an XC school. She's definitely the horse behind my title at the moment though; she's skinny/fat, flabby and out of shape, and even more, she's not interested in becoming unflabby or unfat. Sorry, B, it's for your own good!!

Plus we may win a blue ribbon in another 2 person class :) 

Post choke incident, Bailey also has started to look a bit meh. Part of it is that she decided to start growing her winter coat, like... now. So she's gone all fluffy and isn't sleek and shiny like the other two idiots who probably, out of spite, won't grow any hair at all and will slowly kill me with anxiety. Anyways, she also is looking a bit saggier and a bit skinnier than she has been. I'm sure a week off work, and several days before that week also off didn't contribute to that at all. Nope. Either way, I've added some oil into her diet, as the other mares are getting it, and it's nice that it can soften up her already pretty soft ultium a bit more for me. 

The other two horses are getting oil in their feed in prep for winter; I figure I'd try it now at a low level and make sure there aren't any negative ramifications so I can make any needed changes before it gets cold and I have to recover a lot of weight fast. I'm also planning to de-worm the girls, in hope that it might give Bizzy that extra bit of bloom she seems to be lacking. 

Bizzy is super shiny, and is carrying more muscle than I've seen since I brought her home- she seems sounder and is lively and happy. The one thing I'm not loving is that she is a bit ribby still. She is a rounder barrel type horse, so I am wondering if I can actually cover her ribs entirely without making her obese like she was when she arrived, but it's going to be a continued try-things-see-what-works type situation. 

Canola oil is my choice over feeding rice bran like last year in part because of cost (it's very affordable per calorie, and 1 cup of oil is pretty much equivalent to 1 lb of rice bran) and it's the most balanced Omega oil I can find locally. It would be nice to find flax oil, but the cost seems pretty astronomical compared to canola (which I buy at Aldi with my weekly groceries). I'm not sure I won't end up switching back to rice bran, or just feed more ultium, but for now, I feel like it's worth a try, and the horses are finding it very edible so far. Arya is looking wonderful after being a tough keeper for a year, so I am hoping to hold on to that.

Video still but LOOK AT THAT BODY

Speaking of Arya, she's been an interesting character under saddle. I cannot find my camera ANYWHERE to video, but I may end up setting up my DSLR and saying F it to get some video of her lately. She's alternated between very good and hitting a wall, and while I'm proud she's not going postal, I wish she would have a bit more try in those moments. Especially going right, she will get into a mood about my inside leg and will casually counter flex and will try to refuse to bend the proper way, and will get snotty when I try to just push her through it. I can get it if I am tricky; my last ride last night we had a good break through to get her bending and moving forward by counterbending her, which seems to be totally different in her mind than actually bending. So she will get crabby bending right when going right, but counterbending when going left seems to work. I think the resistance, which is definitely worse when she's going right might be connected to her distinct lack of muscle on her right hind, which the chiropractor this winter figured was probably fall out from not being properly rehabbed from her ankle injury. 

My non-ponyclub approved butt photoing position, but that right cheek is looking a bit... skinny.

So we'll keep working on it, and I'm going to try to take periodic pictures of her butt to help measure any progress. All in all, Arya continues to be really rewarding to ride and I'm crossing my crossables that she will turn into something spectacular when she's ready. Our last ride yesterday was after a big series of thunderstorms that morning and the previous night, so my arena had several large puddles; clearly I need to work on leveling and dragging my ring so it doesn't pool, but we played in the puddles and she was really awesome about it. I feel like there is hope for her to be a useful and hopefully eventer type horse if she doesn't get thrown off by going through water (albeit shallower than a water complex by far). She also looks SUPER cute in the majyk equipe red XC boots a friend basically gave me, and I think she should let fashion determine her future career, because that makes sense, right?

I'm an optimist, ok?

The Universe Knows When You're Impatient

Beautiful BB

The universe also knows how to slap you upside the head when you're being dumb.

So I've been complaining about Bailey a lot lately; its been hot, she's out of shape, and she's not super into doing work or doing it well. Work ethic has never been her strong suit.

Unfortunately, on Monday night, the universe decided to remind me to be thankful. And I am, because while I farted around spraying pastures, the mares ate their dinners. And Bailey started to choke. She didn't seem alarmed, and did a lot of horrible coughing and mucus-ing while vigorously power walking away from me because I didn't realize until she cruised past me to go outside, and when I got her caught, she seemed overly relaxed (no whinnying for her sisters, no stall walking) and would occasionally cough and mucus, but again... didn't seem very upset.

I called the vet, and we decided to watch and wait. I walked, I massaged the left side of her throat, and I annoyed the crap out of my friends freaking out about if I needed to spend the money on the vet. The vet came, because of course when I was starting to convince myself she was clearing the blockage, she spooked at the husband letting the dogs out and set off a new barrage of mucus and coughing. We sedated her, got the tube up her nose and a couple of pumps of water cleared the blockage successfully. She didn't even bleed out of her nose. I confined her to a stall, removed all the hay I could and tucked her in for the night after watching her come out of her sedation. The next morning she ate her heavily watered breakfast grain a bit unenthusiastically, but clearly, once turned out, was hungry. She did seem to have a sore throat (understandable, that tube is NOT small) but came in happily for dinner last night and seemed weirded out while I watched her eat her soupy dinner like a hawk.

So she seems fine. I am going to throw her on the lunge line for some light exercise tomorrow, probably, to make sure her lungs sound ok, but she's fine. I'm fortunate, because it could have been so much worse. The bill wasn't that bad, but since I just went through my tack and boots and blankets, I do have a few items for sale if anyone is looking for something (lots of reins - rubberized web, web with rolled leather to the bit, really nice courbette laced, all black and SMB boots, fly boots (Kensington brand) and Woof Club boots, cob sized black dressage bridle).

Yes, I did test the saddle with a regular girth
before unwrapping my newly ordered dressage girth :D 

In Arya's corner of the world, I continue to be enamored. We tried out the dressage saddle the last two rides, and I love how much more control I have over her body with the extra length in my leg. I also threw Foxie's old polo breast collar on her last night (because yay, tack! I like how polo collars look, so shoot me) and she was just the cutest little dressage pony I've ever seen. She's learning to move laterally, and has been doing really well under saddle. I'm really pleased with her progress, and am trying to figure out how to keep this good pony streak going.

Other than making sure her ulcers don't flair up/come back/whathaveyou, I'm considering adding Alfalfa pellets to her life as a pre-ride snack instead of doing a scoop of Gastric Care. I'm swapping back to Ultium Competition from the Gastric care because according to my math, it actually has more calcium in it, and the gastric care doesn't seem to head off any ulcery issues that she's had; I like my tractguard supplement for when she's outside, and am still looking for something to use for maintenance that I actually believe in for inside. With how cold it gets here, I find that the electrolytes or something in the tractguard make her pee like no tomorrow which makes ice on my mats which is... unnecessary. She drinks well regardless, so I'd like to find something without electrolytes for when the horses are stalled.  The only thing besides a winter supplement I can't really decide on is if it's worth it to feed alfalfa pellets when soaking them is going to be a pain in the butt, especially come winter. I know that it's dramatic, but I'm already like UGH at the thought of alf pellets freezing into feed pans or corner feeders (and I can't clean those easily).

I know my blog has been super boring lately, but any of the readers who are left... do you have a gastric supplement you like? Anyone feeding a pre-ride meal to their ulcery animal and have any tips and tricks?

Bailey will be headed back to work this coming weekend, with our sites on a schooling show in October again, so hopefully things will be more exciting!

Progress and Frustrations

I haven't had a lot of words for this blog this summer. It's been hideously busy, and I lose myself to the outside chores every evening after work without fail. But I miss blogland, and after riding last night, I have some feelings I need to process.

First, let's talk about the farm's doings lately: we got our first crop of hay in, and the horses seem to approve. I'm feeding broken bales as my night time hay for the girls, and while it was SO MUCH WORK OMG to get 350 bales (ish) into the barn in one night, we managed it (albeit, not in an organized fashion, but we tried) and I spent the next day stacking them into semi-organization. It destroyed my hands (like, this happened two weeks ago and my hands are still showing where I blew out blisters on my first three fingers) but it was rewarding as hell to put up edible hay. My husband is trying to talk me into doing rounds for the next cut, but I'm having a hard time deciding. I feel like we don't have room for rounds, and I literally just sold my round bale net, so I don't know what to do, yet. Smalls are a pain in the butt to put up, but are a more efficient use of our storage space. Is there a way I can justify smalls to my husband besides "easier to store"?

The pastures continue to hold on; they aren't hugely thick, but they're holding on. I'm planning to spray them for weeds and seed this fall, and am hoping they can hold on until then. We are a bit short on pasture acres for 3 horses, so I need to figure out how to get the most out of what we have until I close them off for re-growing time before it gets too cold.

Home life wise, we've been away for a weekend, and it was glorious to spend a few days wandering around Ely, MN with some friends, napping, enjoying a beautiful home on a beautiful lake and staying in the most magical tiny house ever. I left my dad in charge, and all of the animals were healthy and happy when we came home, which made me happy. I got a pair of Steger Mukluks for winter wear when we were up north (hello, serendipity, they were selling returns/seconds for CHEAP the weekend we were in town) so I am stirrup shopping to find something ultra wide so I can ride in them come winter.

Horse wise:

Bizzy continues to hang out and be an awesome pet. She did get a kick from Arya, which resulted in a comical goose-egg swelling sticking out of her left butt cheek, but it's slowly re-absorbing. She's also got a few ribs showing. We've had a bad time with bugs, and I've changed her feed, but while she is shiny and happy, she maintains a slightly ribby look. I'm tempted to try oil or some other means of calories, and will check her poops for sand and deworm her. Does anyone have any other tips for a horse who is a touch ribby, but hasn't had a lot of diet changes?

Arya has been an utter superstar, and I've been dealing with a lot of guilt because I want to ride her and only her lately. It's been so rewarding to feel her make progress in allowing me to be in control and stay rideable when we encounter moments when she previously would have melted down hardcore. We've re-introduced poles into her life, and while she thinks her life's calling is still to hiccup over said pole at a canter and then zoom off, but she's really progressing quickly and is walking and trotting and cantering over poles on the line, and is walking and trotting over poles under saddle. We're also doing a lot more canter under saddle, and her ground work is going really well. She's finally starting to slow down and react more logically and I'm loving every moment of riding her.

It feels terrible, because lately, I've hated riding Bailey. It doesn't help that she's out of shape, and doesn't get worked very often where I am much more strict with keeping Arya in work. And while the training is still there, she doesn't have the muscle to really do things easily at this point, and asking her to work involves her brushing me off and being like "nah, pass". She just doesn't have the work ethic that Arya does, and its just been hard to be motivated with her. She's pleasant enough to jump, but doesn't really want to take input from me, so we get awkward distances and I feel like I'm being ignored when I'm pulling and having to chase when I shouldn't to get her jumping better out of stride. On the flat, I usually have to kick her ass to carry herself, and then things go swimmingly from there. I feel lost, because she doesn't really seem to want to do anything - with Arya, I can tell that she is a mix of anxious and excited to work with poles again, and she normally really tries to do what I'm asking her. Bailey, on the other hand, doesn't really seem to be driven to please in the same way, and it's hard to be motivated to kick her butt when it's like... why am I making you do something you clearly don't want to do. Maybe she just needs a new job or a different way of riding? I feel like I'm missing something.

Progress

Apologies for the lack of media, I've been trying a new app to track my rides and have been using it's photo features. Unfortunately, it's buggy and has eaten my photos and my ride tracking. RUDE.

Last night Arya and I could have had a really, really bad ride.

Her ground work was a bit more... up...? than normal. She was an odd combination of very forward and rather un-responsive to the stick and string. My brain was still wandering off wondering where my hay farmer had disappeared to and then got a call from my husband right before I got on. My fly spray didn't seem to be working... it was just a mess of things. But I threw my leg over and decided to see what we could do.

Left wasn't too bad, but she was rather rude about wanting to canter, only, and did get a bit playful in the canter (which doesn't always feel "playful"). I am trying to keep myself accountable and keep my leg on and not let my hands go awol all over the place pulling. I've found that I have two bad habits, that probably stem from fear from Arya's terrorist days: I tend to get handsy and pull badly with my left rein, and that I take my leg off when I feel like shit is about to go down. The left rein issue is in both directions; I either lock up pulling going left, or I feel like I'm constantly dragging Arya out of a tiny spiral of a circle going right. My right leg seems to be lacking in the muscle department, so I need to be more thoughtful about using it and ensuring that I'm riding more evenly. Definitely an area to improve, just like keeping my leg on and keeping her coming forward.

There were several moments during our ride, though, that made me think that shit was about to hit the fan. I felt, especially at the canter, and then a thousandfold more at all gaits going right, that I was sitting on a spring wrapped around dynamite, and that bucking and rearing were definitely on the menu. It look a lot of forcing myself to be calm and breathe, and doing a lot of focused releasing of my lower back, as well as trying to be tactful with my leg and hand aids, but Arya, for once, let me manage the forward and the anxiety and we were able to keep going with our ride, and actually found some really fantastic moments in that ride.

Arya isn't a naturally soft horse, despite being light and having naturally collected gaits - she always feels/looks good, but the connection is generally false and it's hard to realize when she's faking you out right up until she totally disconnects and starts to be shitty. What really surprised me was that Arya was able to overcome her tension going left at the canter and came down from it (albeit it took almost an entire circle) and for some reason I was impulsive and tried softening my whole connection (both hands, which I know I am not supposed to do) and giving her a bit of a scritch on the neck before picking her up again. For some magical reason, this really worked - she softened and stretched down, and took the connection again in a much lower and softer frame than she normally goes in. And I was able to ask her for more. The trot I got to sit on during this... was lovely. Truly. I'm addicted.

Unfortunately, she's still too tense going right to do such a thing, but we were able to negotiate our way past some more potential tantrums and blow ups to something decent. She is definitely more balanced going left - the canter feels semi normal that direction, vs the extremes (either bolting or cantering in a half rear/tea cup) of her right lead. I was very pleased with her ability to actually use her brain last night, and wish she could get over her issues with bugs so we could do more work with less fly related anxiety.

Speaking of anxiety, I had to stop myself from giving her Nexium last night... I feel like she has relapses into stress, and I'm not sure what the trigger is. The last few days, I tried to keep the mares on the paddock, which is getting over grown, to try and have them mow for me (and give the pastures a few extra days of rest. The mares seemed pretty meh about this and didn't graze a ton (though I was feeding hay) and have been doing a lot of standing around in the shelter. Now that I opened the grass back up on Sunday, they continue to come in and stand for long periods in the shelter or by the barn, just hanging out. I'm worried they aren't eating like they used to, all of them. It hasn't been as hot, and I haven't felt like the bugs are any worse than they were  before... has anyone had their horse(s) go through a summer slump?

Summer Summer Summer

It's been hot, it's been humid and I've been spending very little time inside. Which is good!

Bailey has been working regularly, much to her chagrin. We've been mixing dressage and jumping, and enjoying the fact that my trashed hay bales from the fateful hay barn partial flooding of Spring 2018 have resulted in having a fun jump to play with. I've been building it up, and tried it as a corner, a big solid "table" and recently moved the top bales to the side to be a airy-in-the-middle oxer type creature with poles on top. Having 5 "standards" has also made jumping that much more fun - four has been a bit limiting, but having a 5th fence, even if it doesn't move, has been super fun.

On the flat, she's been a bit lazy. She wants to bounce and stare around, but I got after her and really made her work the canter on our last ride and the horse I jumped a couple days later was amazingly light and uphill and steady in her pace... resulting in a magical jump school. I need to remember that the whining and the "work is hard" tantrums are worth it.

Hi Yes my eyeballs are sweating why are we doing this

Arya has been battling the bugs and putting in a few more rides under saddle. She's been progressing slowly, but the moments of feeling like she's really on board with me are really worth it.

Obsessed with these photos

I still struggle what to do with her when she gets behind my leg or starts to get silly. She's been offering a lot more forward lately, and I've been struggling to keep her out of the canter so we can do some trotting. Her MO now is that she either:
- Doesn't want to trot so she either sucks back and does a tiny trot, and then tucks her chin into her chest and  canters, or
- She strongly bends herself out and when I open my inside rein and apply my inside leg to say, um hey stay in this stratosphere plz, she pops up into the canter and gets defensive because she knows it's not what I want and is like GOSH WHY DO I HAVE TO STOP ALREADY even before I start trying to woah her

I've been allowing a lot more canter than I have been before, and she does have a lovely canter. I can be a bit more in her face with the half halts at the canter than I can be at the trot, which makes it a semi-comfortable gait. I do get a bit defensive, as she gets very skippy and swishy with her back end, but so far (knock on wood for me, plz) she hasn't gotten bucky or particularly light in front, so she's been getting a lot better about keeping her feet on the ground.

Much sweaty. I guess we're achieving those mythical wet saddle pads!

On Tuesday, instead of fighting the wanting to run up into the canter, I asked for it earlier and tried to just continue to ask her to work while cantering, and trying the trot work second. It worked decently, but not perfectly; she still misinterprets the inside leg squeeze on her barrel as a forward aid on principal, but I did feel like we got some lateral thinking. Shockingly, it actually went better to the right than the left barrel-movement wise, though she jigged the entire time which was obnoxious.

We're getting some good downward relaxation, but still not achieving true connection. It's a work in progress, especially with a horse so tightly wound as Arya is. I have faith that we'll install more willing lateral work under saddle soon; we've been doing a ton of yielding fore and hind quarters online, which seems to be translating slowly under saddle. Her online work has been improving in leaps and bounds since the Tik clinic, so I expect I'll see more under saddle if I keep the faith and be persistent.

It's less than exciting to say that all we can do is walk, trot and canter most of the time in control, but not usually on the bit or with any relaxation after a year, but I keep telling myself she's not a horse you can rush, and we're repairing a relationship as well as doing some big building block learning at the same time. We'll get somewhere, at some point... I hope ;) Either way, I adore her almost blindly in a way I haven't loved a horse possibly ever... and maybe she will bend under my unending love and determination!

WW: Arya's 1 Year Update Photos

I'm a bit late, but happy 1 year of being a Minnesotan, Arya!

Here are some images I took to share with New Vocations along with her last update.

My Life in Shambles, As Per Always

Wow, I've been a bad bad blogger. Again.

Arya and I have been doing some ground work with our new stick and string, and I finally got my kimchee together and got on her over the weekend (vs just ground working) and found that she had not backslid too badly under saddle. She did a little willful misinterpretation of my leg, but overall was quite decent to ride.

Arya's general thoughts on stick-and-string wielding humans

I have been riding Bailey as well, on the flat and over fences.

I've felt really guilty lately, because Bailey has been playing second fiddle to Arya.

Honestly, she doesn't seem to mind. She's never been jealous of me taking another horse out, and as long as she's supplied with snacks. She's out of shape, for sure, and a bit overly attached to her sisters (especially Bizzy, who she hung out with while Arya was gone) but our rides, on the whole, have been pretty great.

It's very strange to realize that Bailey is my "put me right" horse now; she's the horse I get on to focus on myself and my riding, and any issues she has we generally can work through. She jumps, she dressages, and she kind of goes down the road (spooking all the way, but manageable). I am constantly surprised that she's rideable and does things I ask without too much argument.

Case in point was this weekend, when I whipped her out for a jump session early in the cool morning (generally a recipe for leaping and silliness) and had set up a very scary hay bale corner for her jumping pleasure. She spooked at it several times while flatting, and I made her walk up and sniff it (she sampled the hay, because fatty). When I finally pointed her at it, I was already trying to remember where my crop was, because I was sure she was going to stop and be a shit.

Instead, she happily galloped it, and jumped it with what felt like several feet to spare.

Other than lacking a bit of fitness, she really is in a great place mentally - or, I guess I should say, she's grown up to be a surprisingly great horse. Gone is the uncontrollable horse of her youth, which is very heartening, as it makes me feel like I have a chance to have the same with Arya. We've had a tumultuous first year together, but I am keeping the faith. After all, I kept the faith with B through bolting, spooking, rearing and general noping-the-f-outing and she's grown up to be a most wonderful girl.

Hopefully Arya someday learns to do this

The day to day struggle will remain, of course, having the time. With all of the mowing and general work there is to be done, I need to keep fighting for ride time, and not lose it entirely to the farm. So far my pastures are holding up, but I need to get the last two pastures sprayed (with fertilizer) and need to weed whack and get a better dragging schedule set up so my arena stops growing so much grass. Farm problems are kind of the best first world problems though, and I'm still grateful for our little piece of the dream! Our hay is ready to be cut, so if anyone has some spare fingers to cross for a week of sunny weather, I'd be grateful. I'm so excited to have our first crop!

Not Panicking Part II

So I left off down in the dumps about my relatively crappy ride on Sunday. I panicked, and threw several fixes at her all at once, and got back on her on Tuesday. I'm not sure if it's the bridle, the ulcer meds, the change in fly boots (and bute to kick the tiny bit of swelling out of the window) or the fly bonnet, but she was back on Tuesday and did some lovely WTC work and we continued to work on bending.

We did some review work on loading, and I got my trailer fixed up as best we could, and I rolled out Thursday afternoon trying to keep my anxiety levels under control for the clinic with Tik Maynard. After being failed by google maps a few times, we finally made it and unloaded at the farm, and I got Arya settled. We walked, and she was rude, but she didn't seem too horribly anxious, despite being alone in the barn.

Our lesson with Tik was bright and early Friday morning, and I got there early and tried to not be too anxious. I don't have media, unfortunately, as I was the media for the rest of the riders, but here are the main take-aways from our lesson. Arya came out very distracted and walking all over me, and Tik took her from me almost immediately.

The main things we worked on were:

1. Sending/change of direction
2. Woahing
3. Backing
4. Crossing front or back feet
5. Being less/non-reactive to the whip as an extention of the arm.

And I got a lot of really good nuggets as he worked with her, as well as watching her improve in her focus and ability to think-before-reacting:

- Start off with super high expectations of the horse, and those expectations go super low the minute the horse starts trying for you.

- Move the feet when distracted (my reaction is to pop the line)

- Using standing still and attention/pets as a reward

- The horse should have 100% of your attention when they're in your space. You can take your mind off them only if they are out of your space (4' radius, Tik parked her out at the end of her line)

- Halting can happen by pulling the head in or by pushing the hind end out. Teach both ways.

- Use your grip on the line as a barometer to relaxation; how hard are you gripping the line, how much force does it take to create a change.

- The stick follows the line of the circle  - open arm, don't point it at her, that will just send her backwards.

- Use body and stick as a right angle to push the front end.

Arya started out very hot and defensive of the stick and wasn't really taking direction; she just wanted to go out on the line and bolt around like she knew what she was doing, gosh. Tik kept her engaged and thinking, and moved her feet in a variety of ways, not just doing one thing at a time. She was nervous about the whip and slowly chilled out reacting to it, which was definitely progress. Tik waived it above his head and would toss it over her neck as she moved, and she slowly got less defensive about it. She still didn't seem to get the whip cue on her hind end meant "move your hip away from me" vs "bolt" so that will be one to work on. I was surprised and excited to see that she can move sideways on the line, and I think the cue Tik used was very clear in body language as to what was desired.  By the end, Arya was much softer through her body and was really trying, and I think it was a positive clinic that left me with some really good tools to develop at home, so that we can travel more and I can re-assert control and feel safe with her more easily.

There was some really positive take-aways for me, mentally, too:

- Everyone, including Tik, thought Arya was very very smart (and also very sensitive). This is going to be a challenge because she is super smart, and being fair to her sensitivity is going to be a bit like the Eddie Izzard joke about shower temperature gauges in this clip:

- Rushing her isn't going to go well. He asked me if I had an agenda or plans with her, and was very happy that I have another horse to ride and have fun with, because that's the program Arya needs; she needs time and patience. I'm willing to give her both, and I'm very happy that this was reinforced for me.

- Tik liked her. Which makes me happy, because I adore her, and I think she's a very magnetic horse. I'm excited to keep working with her and making things better.

Not Panicking

First off, thanks for the links and posts on my Organization post, that I probably have forgotten to reply to... sorry. Life has been life-ing and I have been struggling to keep my head above water.

Morning noodle dog

After nearly a week and a half off riding, I've been working on bringing Arya back. After her first semi-messy ride last Monday, she has had a few really really decent/awesome rides. We rode on Thursday and it was one of those awesome encouraging rides, and then it all came crashing down yesterday. She reverted nearly 100% back to "bad Arya" complete with spinning, threatening to rear and refusing to bend/melting down when I put my leg on. I immediately got off, and tried to work her on the ground to improve her bending, thinking she was stiff or out in her neck or something, and also worked her in the spot of the arena where she had acted up, thinking that because she had spooked there she's just decided she's going to die in that spot.

Well, I got on and again... naughty. More spinning, more tantrum. I got off again (waiting for a good halt, at least) and felt down her legs, and thought I felt some fluid in her tendons just below her knee. She had been wearing fly boots, and for some reason, they do sometimes bind on the horses, so I decided that we'd try one more time and just walk. So we walked, and she did get better by the end of things, and was willing to bend and not jig/have a tantrum. I don't know what it was; the previous day, my husband and his buddies had shot on the property, but the mares only spooked a bit, trotted a few steps and then settled down and didn't seem to care. I thought I heard fireworks that night, but again... any time I checked on the mares and they didn't seem overly riled up. I figured she either threw herself out of alignment or gave herself ulcers or was being a GIANT baby about a tiny bit of swelling in her leg. That, or she was seriously riled that I changed her regular bridle to the micklem bridle, which really didn't work well with the D ring.

Always with this picture

Either way, it wasn't the ride I wanted to have when we're going to a clinic on Thursday (admittedly, we're probably just going to do groundwork) and I am full of anxiety today. It's another cooler, windy day and unless it gets warm and less windy, I may give her a day off today and try to pack two rides in Tuesday and Wednesday, and hope that we can revert her back to her workable behavior before we leave. Because I'm sensible, I, of course, threw a handful of supplements at her last night (bute, nexium, ulcer/electrolyte pellets) with her grain, and hope that she turns her B tendencies way down in the mean time.

I really don't want a horse that only rides well in tropical weather; it's not going to work out well, when we live in the great cold north. And I really just want things to be fun and keep her moving forward. She's got so much potential, and she is so freaking smart I don't even have words for it. I've missed having a horse this smart and while she isn't giving and forgiving like Bailey... she is a total joy to ride and I'd like to have fun with her.

Fingers crossed we can banish Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde/the devil and find my good, willing horse back before Friday morning. I'm totally not panicking, why?

Attempted Organization Try.... who knows

I've been super busy the last few weeks; we've had grueling heat, tons of rain, a broken tractor, endless lawn to mow...

Memorial day weekend we did fence posts in humid, nineties weather. We had a gas powered auger for the corner posts and a gas powered T post driver, and the work would have gone super quickly except it was stupid, intense hot. I've been trying to clean up and catch up all this week, and discovered a rather annoying hole in my organization scheme;

My med kit is a hot freaking mess.

Admittedly I just threw everything in bins and tried to bring in the freezeable stuff before it froze last fall. And my med kit got savaged by Foxie's and then Arya's injuries, and I didn't really have any interest in organizing once we put Foxie down. So it's badly in need of some organization.

Currently, I have bins with a bunch of stuff standing up or laying on it's side, but nothing has a place, and I have to dig to find shit, which means that generally I don't put the top back on until later and things get lost or dirty or whatever.

So my "organization" is really like... putting a table cloth over a bear to hide it. It's out of sight but still kind of a big deal.

So, brilliant internet friends, how do you organize your med kit and store it? I consider standing wraps to be a part of my med kit most of the time, so I'm hoping I can find some storage that will, at least, hold a set of four and some standing wraps, but I can keep them in their bin (bins are fine for standing wraps)... help?

Arya: May the Second

So when we left off, Arya tried out some magikal tack.

Thursday, 5/17 - Arya got her teeth done, and thus got a day off.

Friday, 5/18 - Arya trotted several circles in a row and even was allowed to canter a lap, though started to get silly towards the end. She goes left really well right now, and I started asking for her to give to the bit using pressure and release. I also continued to focus on applying my leg and calf more. She is feeling more balanced, and seems more and more resigned to her life as a horse being ridden. She still wants to get stuck, and especially going right, wants to counterbend like CRAZY especially when she wants to be bad. She got a little up and did some small spooking at a truck hauling a big empty equipment trailer, that rattled, but was generally quite good.

Sunday, 5/20 - Arya continued her lessons in giving to pressure, not losing one's mind when doing stuff and I also focused more and more on inside leg to outside rein. To the left, she really seems to be getting it, but to the right, she continues to be mentally/physically blocked. She leans hard on my leg and hand and continues to do her super dramatic counterbend when she wants to get shirty. We trotted quite a bit, and did one circle of canter, but again struggled with even a full circle of trot going right. I may stick her on the lunge line again going right and try to see if we can figure out bending right without a person up (thinking lunge line inside, side rein outside... or just breaking her to long line, already).

Thursday, 5/24 - More inside rein to outside leg on this lovely balmy day. Groundwork was obedient, and she cantered without breaking quite well. Once we were riding, going left was really quite good. We trotted and cantered pretty normally and Arya did some chewing and thinking at the trot, and gave me some softening when asked. Good girl! Right continued to be tense, but I didn't feel like she was scheming to buck me off; more that she wanted to rush because she was anxious and felt like she couldn't do what I wanted. We'll probably lunge this weekend as we're fencing pasture and I probably won't have time to ride much.

After Thursday: Arya lunged a bit but basically ended up with a week off due to heat, then several days of thunderstorms, and then I shot a clinic over the three day weekend.

Monday, 6/4 - We're back to the beginning, pretty much. Ground work was obedient and we're mixing in more and more canter, as well as transitions. Once on, left felt like her right side on a good day, and going right was an utter mess. She jigged, threw her head, rooted, counter bent, and tried to rush off into the canter, but she was, surprisingly, manageable, though she couldn't even with my leg, much less contact. Going left improved a lot. I tried to stay steady and just keep asking for what I wanted, and we had two big improvements - several circles of trot that I could actually ride vs manage, and I was able to talk her into bending through her body and giving to the bit at the trot several times. I was thrilled with this, and let her quit and have a bath after that much mental effort. I am excited to get back on and keep working on this new-found talent!

Arya: First half of May Summary

I'm going to try to keep my Arya posts in a more concise format, so here we go! I'll post this after a few more rides so I don't cover my blog with in depth analysis of every ride :) 

Friday 5/4- Arya was obedient for walk and trot and good on the ground. I rode her after Bailey which seemed pretty positive, though she continues to open her mouth whenever I pick up any thought of contact.

Monday 5/7 - Ground work was obedient, but lackluster. She spooked hard at a duck spooking out of the pond and got a bit more "awake" than I prefer, but was pretty obedient doing up and down transitions of gait on the line. We tried out the eggbutt french link snaffle which went over like a lead balloon. She evaded by turning her head strongly out several times, and seemed less offended when I switched her bit back to the "magic" $12 snaffle, but still resistant. She was very wobbly/inconsistent this ride; she wanted to bend out, and was "self punishing" when she got too quick/tried to canter and would crank herself around nose-to-tail before I could initiate shutting her down myself. She also had some leapy/naughty moments but I tried to shut her down with my voice vs my reins, which actually worked; I used the same scold I use when I can see she's thinking about ignoring my direction on the ground and we didn't have any moments that were too hair raising.

Post ride, she had a bath (she doesn't care about baths, which makes her easy, she just mows the grass) and had lots of lovely wild romps after her multiple rolls. She bucked, did Lipizzaner impressions, galloped around farting and bucking, and reared at lot... I guess she needs more work!

Saturday 5/11 - I switched it up and put Arya in the lunging rig with the neck stretcher as "side reins" instead of riding her. I wanted to see how she handled the relatively elastic connection the neck stretcher gave her, and it's clear that she doesn't really get the whole giving to the bit thing yet. She wanted to canter a lot (perhaps running away from the pressure?) and I let her, and while she didn't really get the neck stretcher like I had hoped, I was able to lunge her with the lunge line as an inside rein (run through the bit to her girth) and felt that she was bending and giving more positively.

Wednesday 5/16 - So Arya hasn't gotten a lot of work because I've been super busy with photo work, but I did finally get her out with a whole new outfit. She was wearing a Courbette Galant close contact saddle vs my normal Courbette Vision, and was also wearing her Eponia bridle with a Myler Level 1 Dee vs Bailey's fake Micklem with a $12 weighted loose ring snaffle. I tried the Myler on Bailey first, to get a feel for it, and had a very nice jump session with her. Arya lunged and I felt a bit nervous getting on her after some meh/distracted ground work and having to scoop grain to get her caught (I fed her 1 scoop of her usual 4 when she appeared at the gate after I scooped and dumped the donkey's grain).

Under saddle, I felt like I had a couple of things changing positively - I felt like I could really have the contact discussion with her and I also felt like I was able to get a bit of lateral flexion through her body by applying my calf and thigh. The saddle rode really comfortably - it's not as forward as my vision, but is larger in the seat, and I felt like I had a really comfortable balance point in it. She wasn't perfect, in any way, but I felt secure and felt like I could actually keep communicating with her when she tried to counter bend, jet off of the circle or get quick. The dee was well received and I was actually able to push the envelope without feeling like she got fried - we worked on giving to the bit with pressure and release, and while she did feel very stuck towards the end and didn't want to go forward (either we trot/canter in a tea cup or we get silly, taking longer steps is FAKE NEWS!) she was still having a good conversation with my hands, especially for her. I may try adding sealtex if she continues to be fussy, but so far... this is a really good bit for her, for ride 1 at least. She had really lovely even sweat marks under the saddle and I'm excited to ride again on Friday!

So it's been half a month... now to do more riding!