I've had a couple of good rides (though we haven't done anything that is actually interesting) over the last week. Monday night, I decided to play around with cutting down bulk under my dressage saddle, and also gave it a quick spritz of Saddle Tight, just because. It's a flatter seat than I've been used to, and while I love the position the saddle puts me in, in general, I'm also floppy and out of shape. A little extra grip wouldn't go awry, right?
Wrong. Especially when wearing full seats. My saddle and my breeches began a night of embarrassing me, as they squelched into separation every time I tried to post. I also happened to be riding in the upper arena, during a relatively beginner lesson with the trainer I've been considering lessons with. Bailey, bless her heart, was doing her best to be a good girl, but between the noise of my sticky ass spooking her and my own sudden inability to ride... she was good but definitely not brilliant.
 |
| Still super cute, though. |
Other than, of course, being terribly self conscious about my noisy ass, I also felt like I was overly nervous because the trainer, K, probably knew about me. I mean, I'd talked to someone who lessons with her about joining a Wednesday lesson, and she'd actually acknowledged me and asked about Bailey's micklem... and I feel, much like I did last fall when schooling XC, knowing someone was looking at me kept me so distracted I couldn't ride properly. It was distressing, seeing as at the time I was itching to jump (still am) and was strongly considering showing up to the Wednesday lesson - I want to learn, but I'm so intimidated by people, and new people in particular, that I'm worried I'm going to be wasting my money trying to lesson.
I've always been somewhat anxious - at shows I'm a regular hot mess, and especially since Bailey came home, I've gotten nervous in new situations just because I didn't know how she'd react, and it was frustrating and embarrassing to deal with her in front of someone new. I have had really good lessons with her (though the one that comes to mind sucked in the price range, so the memories are a bit tarnished) and really good clinics with her. She carried me around the Dom clinic when I was an anxious mess:
 |
| Someone should probably saint her for jumping this. |
But she deserves better. And if I want to get better and learn (which I do, desperately) I need to figure out how to cope with this.
So, I'm asking the internet for advice (admittedly people who read this blog generally have good advice for me, vs the wild west of most message boards). Do you get nervous in generally not-nerve-inducing situations? How do you deal with it?
The last time I attempted to use sticky spray, I gave hay to some horses five minutes later and ended up with hay stuck to my boots FOR.EV.ER...and they *still* have residue stuck to them...and that was like 9 months ago. O.o
ReplyDeleteI definitely tend to get more nervous in more general situations than I do in situations where nerves are actually appropriate - i.e. I'll psych myself out more during a lesson waiting my turn to do something difficult than I will when waiting at a show for my turn in the ring. Honestly, my best coping mechanism is talking - something that I'm not particularly great at. Joking around with the other people in the lesson (or around me at a show)/my trainer really eases some of stress/nerves. Also, remembering to breathe.
Weird!! Mine generally comes off with water or saddle soap when cleaning. Maybe it goes bad?
DeleteBreathing is definitely a good thing to remember... I talk too much already, and generally get more and more awkward and derpy as I realize I'm talking too much. The horse is used to me talking to her, though, so I should go out of my way to talk to her when I'm riding with others. I used to hold my breath and I had an instructor make me talk or sing when jumping so I'd be forced to breathe... it definitely helps! I will default to counting strides at shows if I am nervous, too... though this whole list goes out of my head the minute I actually get nervous :D
Um. Yes haha. I get nervous for nothing. Ergo: blog title "fraidy cat" haha. Really tho, the best solution to being nervous about ppl watching you ride is to ride in front of an audience ALL THE TIME. Sounds like you want to try a lesson. Sign up. Give it a try. Tell the trainer how you feel distracted when you know ppl are watching. I bet it'll help!!
ReplyDeleteYou write so intelligently and confidently I can hardly believe you're the "Fraidy" behind your blog! I am going to give this a try and take a lesson... even if I'm not 100% I want to ride with that instructor, or that the group is appropriate to my skill level. I should take care of the anxiety first - we can work on jumping "big" jumps once I can think coherently, methinks :)
DeleteI also get super anxious when I have people watching me. I have to really force myself to get started doing something tricky--like jumping--so that my brain can focus on that instead. I find that once I get going, I'm so caught up in going through the motions that I forget about the people. Sometimes. Not always. See: all my stadium rounds in my entire life. ;)
ReplyDelete