Tara Shani - "Foxie" 1996 - 2017

This post has been nearly impossible to write, but it needs to get done, if only because I can't move forward until I do.

We put Foxie down on Sunday afternoon, September 3rd, 2017. She had spent the week before being a total trooper through the pain of her injuries, and spent Sunday morning grazing, up to her cannons in grass and clover. She had lost weight from refusing grain, but had been building back up to eating her usual ration. She was dehydrated, but a couple of tubes of electrolytes and ulcer guard had really perked her up. She was no longer pawing, but still shook most of the day. She had laid down, and scraped herself up getting up again, but she was walking better and her pain seemed to be under control (finally) with Bute, Banamine and previcox in cycles.

Sunday afternoon, hubs came home and stopped in to the barn to stuff her with some cookies, and found her violently in distress; she was weighting her injured hind leg (which already had a dropped and compromised suspensory) and lifting her other hind, and nearly falling trying to figure out how to relieve whatever discomfort or pain she was experiencing. She was frantic. We called the vet, who thought, perhaps, it was an abscess. I knew in my heart, but I didn't have the courage to say that it didn't matter. She was hurting and it was too much to ask.

She passed, as peacefully as a horse can when they're put down and need to go down in the process, in the spot of deep grass I had left growing tall for her to graze on. She's not hurting anymore. With the help of the neighbor, she was laid to rest that evening on our property, and we plan to mark her grave with a honeycrisp apple tree; she always loved honeycrisps more than any other treat.

The other mares - especially Bailey - seem to know she isn't where she is supposed to be, but they haven't seemed to grieve or react negatively to having one less horse on the farm. I have an empty 16x10 stall, too many blankets and a huge hole in my heart.

Many of you weren't around for the Foxie years; this blog is a new iteration for Bailey, but I've been blogging about Foxie for a long time before I began to write here. She was kind, and full of personality. She was my impossible girl; she came back from two horrible injuries and I honestly still struggle imagining life without her. She was the center of my world for 13 years. I don't have words for the lessons she taught me, the wonderful memories we made together and the trust, love and bond we shared that don't sound trite.

Goodbye, Foxmare.