Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Bailey is a Bailey

I was super pumped for my ride yesterday. I groomed my pony to a shine, tacked her up in her dressage tack, booted her like a responsible owner and then... she was an asshole.

She was up, obviously, but hacked out to the outdoor pretty well. I chatted with my barn owner and then we began our walk work, and she was obedient and did some decent lateral work at the walk. The trot was... distracted. Up. Bouncy. I had a hard time focusing her, and she kept leaping up into the canter. The canter was a bit scary for me, which was hard to stomach - she was inconsistent in pace, straightness and was kind of throwing herself around alternating between jamming like she wanted to be out galloping and being spooky and weird. We backed off to trot work, and I got some work I was happy with. I felt like she was tuning in a bit better, so we tried canter again.

And that's when she decided that she was going to exist stage left because I put my leg on and was asking her to bend. Catching her shoulder caused rearing, and she continued to plunge sideways in a way I felt powerless to stop. Except for the fact that I knew she could see that the fence was down where she was heading... but I had a feeling she couldn't see the electric wire that keeps the school horses out of the outdoor arena... and that was still up. I got her stopped after a few scary minutes and got off - I wasn't sure, when my feet hit the ground, if I was going to take her inside to get a lunge line, take her inside and ride her or...what. I ended up kind of spinning her on the ground, and got back on, outside. We re-re-reviewed giving to pressure on the inside rein, and it started to click in my head that someone thought I was being too handsy. I don't know why she chooses to express that feeling by bolting sideways into what would be a very dangerous situation and then threatening to rear a whole lot if I try to shut down the sideways, but I am over it.

I tried to ride with a lot less pulling on her face and she did eventually give me some decent canter and trot... but I'm caught now. I was liking the way she was going in the eggbutt.. but I also feel like I can't stop her. I feel like I'm being taken off with, and I pull and try to mold her into something I can control and then she explodes.

Some days I wonder if this is worth it; if I shouldn't just sell her to someone who can handle an animal with a high caliber body and a (in my opinion, today at least) unstable brain. Maybe someone else could have success with her when I can't seem to.

How do I get control back while also making peace with this animal? I almost want to throw Foxie's pelham on her, because I hate feeling out of control. I can't relax and ride if I don't feel like I can trust that she will stop. She doesn't trust me... I don't trust her. What the hell am I supposed to do with this mess??

Ugh. 

5 comments:

  1. Ugh I'm sorry, that sounds super frustrating and not fun at all. Whenever I feel a little lost or helpless or unsure of how to fix a problem, getting trusted eyes on the ground (whether just a friend or a paid professional) is always my step 1. Good luck!

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    1. I definitely should take a lesson... it's been a scary long time. I struggle feeling like we aren't "ready" to take a lesson because she's such a shitshow.

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    2. lol generally when i feel the most like a 'shitshow' is when i most need a lesson. if i only ever waited until things were perfect, then what on earth would be the point with paying for professional help?

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  2. Right there with you on so many levels. It's so hard sometimes. I think I debate about selling Leo at least once a week right now. /: Usually a lesson helps get things back on track..If that stops working, I don't know what I'll do.

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    1. Clearly, I need a lesson. I always threaten Bailey with broodmaredom, simply because I don't know if anyone who actually knew her would be willing to pay money for her psycho butt.

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