This morning my facebook feed was lit up by Denny Emmerson and others commenting about Crackerjack's unfortunate and horribly tragic death in France over the weekend. It's putting a little bit of a damper on my thoughts, and has dredged up the same old hesitance I've been dealing with for years. I don't have a right to talk knowledgeably about the upper levels. I don't really have a right to talk about BN, because I've technically only evented a few USEA seasons at the level. I haven't shown in a long time because showing stopped being fun. It was too stressful; I kept thinking over and over that Bailey is not meant to be an eventer. She is a wonderful horse to jump and enjoy on an XC course, yet in competition she is not. I won't pretend my own anxieties (financial and success driven) don't impact our performance. But I do feel that the courses are much less friendly, and are meant to challenge rather than induce success.
A lack of faith in my sport, a lack of faith in my ability to perform and make it worth it to try to show, is what sits heavy on my heart today. And with it, comes a lack of a plan. And without a plan, I fall off the riding bandwagon quickly. I did get a ride in on Arya on Saturday, despite the snow and ice. She was sassy and up and edgy, about both the footing and the cold and her own creation of this spooky, looky atmosphere in the ring. We kept our ride to walk and trot, and she wasn't bad. We mostly worked on getting back to basics, thanks to many of your well timed blog posts and helpful comments. I stopped asking her to really frame up and engage, and tried to focus on getting her forward (because despite being so powerful and forward feeling, she does actually get stuck behind my leg, and that's when the rearing feels start) and stretching towards my hands. I also worked on getting control of her shoulders. She is enough of a trier that I can probably frame her up and muscle her around, but underneath it, she still struggles to follow her nose, so I'm determined to do this right and go slow. Also, knowing her brain, pushing her is never going to get me anywhere but hurt.
This doesn't help me form a plan, and when it's cold and snowy (see last post, add another two inches) bad things happen. Like I lose motivation to ride Bailey. Whoops. Sorry, girl. She's showing me that she needs more consistent work, because her hind end is once again a weak mess, so I need to find myself a schedule and make myself keep to it.
In much less depressing/self-pitying/etc news, Fox Point Farm has a new resident. Meet Kahlua!
A lack of faith in my sport, a lack of faith in my ability to perform and make it worth it to try to show, is what sits heavy on my heart today. And with it, comes a lack of a plan. And without a plan, I fall off the riding bandwagon quickly. I did get a ride in on Arya on Saturday, despite the snow and ice. She was sassy and up and edgy, about both the footing and the cold and her own creation of this spooky, looky atmosphere in the ring. We kept our ride to walk and trot, and she wasn't bad. We mostly worked on getting back to basics, thanks to many of your well timed blog posts and helpful comments. I stopped asking her to really frame up and engage, and tried to focus on getting her forward (because despite being so powerful and forward feeling, she does actually get stuck behind my leg, and that's when the rearing feels start) and stretching towards my hands. I also worked on getting control of her shoulders. She is enough of a trier that I can probably frame her up and muscle her around, but underneath it, she still struggles to follow her nose, so I'm determined to do this right and go slow. Also, knowing her brain, pushing her is never going to get me anywhere but hurt.
This doesn't help me form a plan, and when it's cold and snowy (see last post, add another two inches) bad things happen. Like I lose motivation to ride Bailey. Whoops. Sorry, girl. She's showing me that she needs more consistent work, because her hind end is once again a weak mess, so I need to find myself a schedule and make myself keep to it.
In much less depressing/self-pitying/etc news, Fox Point Farm has a new resident. Meet Kahlua!
We're working on being halter broken and leading (instead of being dragged) and despite being basically unweaned and unhandled when we picked her up last week - I know, I was such a bad blogger last week, I can't even - she's accepted human company and human weirdness very quickly. The horses were terrified of her, and I felt it was prudent to benadryl my stall walkers to take the edge off for their first few days of sharing the barn with the little "Alien". They're slowly getting used to her, though their minds were totally blown last night when they figured out she can leave her stall. God forbid! She brays like a tiny breathy thing with a cold when I come into the barn, and occasionally skips across her stall (she's in Foxie's 16x10, so she has tons of space) with a little buck when she's spooked. Mostly she hangs out watching me, mugging for treats, and laying judgement on her big horse sisters for being such weirdos. Also, despite finding being led completely abhorrent, she took to tiny Amigo turnout blankets (it's a 36, guys. She's TINY.), jelly scrubbers and having her feet picked up and messed with without question. She also comes when she's called the majority of the time.
Fingers crossed that, when the time finally comes for her to go out with the horses, everything goes well. She's so small, and I'm so inexperienced with baby equines... I'm kind of afraid the big horses will be stupid and run her over, or something. Or that I won't be able to catch her. Or that she will escape from the fence because she's so tiny maybe that could happen. Who knows!
Omg Kahlua is the cutest! <3
ReplyDeleteI was very sad to see that crackerjack has passed as well. I don't fully understand what happened (sounded just like an unlucky trip on course?) but even if I was ambitious/rich/not a complete weenie I don't think I would want any of my horses to get the upper levels. That said, I don't know if an unlucky trip on course warranted the rant from Denny... who's opinion I usually massively respect. But maybe I missed something important that you can fill me in on! I was getting too depressed about it to do much further research.
I haven't had the will to read the original Denny rant, just saw him posting back at Dom Schramm after he appears to have sent a message/responded defending Boyd. I think it's unfair to post pictures of the bad moments and fifth-leg style saves with the response, because as far as I am aware, the horse was not injured jumping; everything I'm finding says the horse was galloping away from a combo when he took a bad step and broke his fetlock. It's tragic, and the sport probably needs to look at this more coherently, but no one is being coherent. The loss of the horse and the pettiness that's flying around with people taking sides against eachother is just making me more and more dispirited. I have really been enjoying Denny, too - he's good at giving me food for thought on improving the way I'm bringing along Arya, especially (though all of you have been so helpful, too). It's so depressing I've stopped reading now, too.
DeleteHmmm... I think eventing has actually gotten much more accessible for every kind of competitor. There used to be nothing below Prelim. Then nothing below Training. Then nothing below Novice, etc etc. Now we have all the way down to Starter, which is little more than logs on the ground that most people just trot over. I'm not sure how much friendlier the courses need to be? It is true that a lot of horses just aren't fans of eventing, and that's okay, but I don't think that's the fault of the courses. We also have a lot more grassroots organizations than we used to, that make schooling shows (generally easier and more laid back) more accessible to more people. Some people never show recognized, and that's okay too. The great thing about this sport is that it can grow or shrink to fit the person in question.
ReplyDeleteI think there is definitely some differences from Area to Area - I look at others' course photos, and find the fences a lot more friendly and what I would consider totally suited to the level compared to my last time out. And maybe my last time out isn't a fair comparison. We have one schooling show in my area (that fills within a few hours of opening), and two USEA venues within a few hours that run 2-3 shows each a year, so while that's lucky that I can show locally for a whole season, I am definitely speaking out of a bubble. The events are very different in structure and courses, and I do have a bit of a personal beef with one of the show venues, that makes up for the lack of terrain with big, solid/maxed fences, that they then lavishly decorate for the shows. I think, locally, they get caught up in ramping up the courses for the year, which makes it inadvisable to miss the early spring show, which is usually accompanied by horrible weather and is early enough in the spring that it's hard to have a horse fit and prepped because the snow is hardly gone (and sometimes, it snows. Or hails...). Perhaps my horse isn't a fan of eventing, but there was such a huge difference for us running around at Starter vs BN that I found it surprising - many of the fences that used to be BN fences (because I recognize them from previous courses with a previous horse) are now Starter. I will say again that this is definitely just my opinion from my bubble, but it felt like, with horse and rider issues acknowledged, Starter was too basic and BN was just slightly smaller Novice - there wasn't a good middle ground in competition to bridge the gap between the levels. But again - this is local to me, and I didn't want to say more than Crackerjack's death (and any injury or death at the upper levels) makes me wonder if this is the sport for me. I love it, but, as is the theme of the last few years, I feel lost within it. I feel like I don't have the resources or the contacts or some needed part (perhaps even the horse?) to be successful in my area (and by successful I mean reliably finish on a number not a letter, I don't need to chase ribbons at this point). It makes me sad because I love running XC.
Deletei'm pretty sad about Crackers too - had always really liked the horse and was thrilled to meet him earlier this summer. something Boyd said about him really struck me - the horse has "wind" (respiratory) problems and has had multiple corrective surgeries. this is kinda a big deal in upper level event horses, and Boyd quite pointedly said Crackers shouldn't be able to do what he does, but yet he does it -- that he was an amazing athlete and incredible horse. such heart. so sad to lose him to an accident like that. having broken my own leg just in stepping out of my trailer tho, i'm pretty confident that the misstep had nothing to do with eventing and everything to do with .... bad bad luck.
ReplyDeleteanyway tho, i'm sorry this has made you feel less sure about pursuing eventing as your sport. if it's not fun for you tho, then that's kinda that, right? planning as a general activity is pretty much near impossible if you don't actually know where you want to go or what you want to do tho. good luck in figuring that part out!!
oh, if you're curious here's the link to the announcement that Crackers was euthanized, which includes a link to the official statement. the misstep occurred when the horse entered the arena at the end of the course -- in the transition from grass to arena footing. he took a bad step and shattered his pastern. unrelated to any jumps. so so sad :(
Deletehttp://eventingnation.com/crackerjack-euthanized-at-les-etoiles-de-pau-cci4/
Thanks, Emma! I was worried I was coming off differently than I intended, but you and I seem to be on the same mental level :)
DeleteBad luck is bad luck is bad luck - and maybe I am letting one experience of bad luck keep me from enjoying a sport that I do really love (I mean, the last two years have also been filled with financial and adulting things that have kept me from showing, but I felt bad because it's taken me almost two years to miss competing). I guess the only way to figure myself out is to go out and do it again. My partner has matured and changed a lot over the last two years, so maybe it's time to give ourselves a blank slate and try this sport again. Schooling is so different from competing for me, so it feels like a big step though I'd say we're hardly out of practice except since the move. I don't have any upper level intentions, and I don't think my horse and I are in any danger of being injured because of the sport over any other. The tragic news about Crackers' death opened up some doors in my head that perhaps I should think over further... because I love the sport, but my last few experiences with it have been sour, just like the media and shit slinging that is going on is sour. It's hard to decide, especially when you're finally on the cusp of kind of affording to compete again, if I want to come back to play. I'm personally afraid to come back out and be a shit show for all to see, but how will I know if I never try it again?
Omggg, tiny donk!!!
ReplyDeleteYES. FOCUS ON THE FLUFFY!
DeleteClearly I should not try to be an adult and talk about fluffy donkeys in the same post. I confuse even myself :)
I hope you find your riding mojo again, and can be very disheartening to lose it. Maybe a change of discipline for a time will help you find the inspiration again?
ReplyDeleteThank you! I have actually been considering hunters or jumpers, since my red horse (when she isn't dancing and celebrating her own badassery) is probably more of a hunter than an eventer type... but I'd probably ruin a nice picture with my bad eq :)
DeleteOMG teeny donkey <3
ReplyDeleteShoulder seasons on either side of winter are always hard for me motivation-wise, so I feel you. Sometimes a break is just what I need to find my mojo again - hopefully a little pause will help you, too!