As we head towards the end of January, I'm seeing lots of posts about show seasons and what everyone is planning to do this year.
I'm envious, because it seems like some of these areas have a lot more going for them than MN does! While we have two horse trials within a 3 hour drive, we don't have a lot of schooling. And we don't have a lot of schooling shows. Looking at the schedule I've drawn out for next year, it feels pretty lame.
The problem is that after a year of not competing due to fiances, I'm not fully convinced I want to go back.
The cost is stressful.
The haul and the PTO and the schedule with a husband who has his own life and a dog who can't take care of himself is stressful.
Going it alone is stressful (but so are coach's fees, especially when I haven't yet found a coach I really click with).
Feeling like I have to show BN when things never seem to go right at shows... is, well, stressful.
Feeling like I'm letting my horse down with my actions - or by not showing - is stressful.
Staying clean, and making sure I feed myself and keep myself going throughout the show is stressful.
After the last year of dealing with show organizers as a non-competitor... I don't know if I want to support some of my local shows, because the people behind them aren't quite who I used to think they were.
I could keep going, but I won't.
With that list, I wonder why I liked showing at all.
Well, I like to run XC.
I like to jump, and do dressage, and I like trying to be better.
I like showing myself that I can.
I like dressing up and looking fancy for photos and video.
All of this is weighing heavily on me right now, because spending so much money to go to shows still has me paralyzed. I'm still aiming at CT and two schooling shows at this point... but I almost wonder, what's the point.
But I also wonder... what else can I do? I don't want to wander without any goals. And I don't have a ton of money to spend. I don't think I like other sports after being spoiled by ride times and the generally required (and thus, not an extra fee I have to pay) stabling. My horse life has been broken up into "getting good enough to compete" time and then "competition". Once Foxie went lame, I laid low and dreamed about getting a competition horse because, well, competing was what I did. I feel a lot of anxiety and confusion, because I should want to show. Everyone around me seems to want to show. And how else do I get to run and jump like that?
But still, I feel... lost. Caught, kind of.
I'm envious, because it seems like some of these areas have a lot more going for them than MN does! While we have two horse trials within a 3 hour drive, we don't have a lot of schooling. And we don't have a lot of schooling shows. Looking at the schedule I've drawn out for next year, it feels pretty lame.
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| This was really fun. |
The problem is that after a year of not competing due to fiances, I'm not fully convinced I want to go back.
The cost is stressful.
The haul and the PTO and the schedule with a husband who has his own life and a dog who can't take care of himself is stressful.
Going it alone is stressful (but so are coach's fees, especially when I haven't yet found a coach I really click with).
Feeling like I have to show BN when things never seem to go right at shows... is, well, stressful.
Feeling like I'm letting my horse down with my actions - or by not showing - is stressful.
Staying clean, and making sure I feed myself and keep myself going throughout the show is stressful.
After the last year of dealing with show organizers as a non-competitor... I don't know if I want to support some of my local shows, because the people behind them aren't quite who I used to think they were.
I could keep going, but I won't.
 |
| I love this photo but I was forcing myself to be happy because otherwise I would have shut down out of anxiety and fear. (though that wasn't showing's fault, that was a personal thing) |
With that list, I wonder why I liked showing at all.
Well, I like to run XC.
 |
| Who doesn't like XC? |
I like to jump, and do dressage, and I like trying to be better.
I like showing myself that I can.
I like dressing up and looking fancy for photos and video.
 |
| Who doesn't like looking fancy? |
All of this is weighing heavily on me right now, because spending so much money to go to shows still has me paralyzed. I'm still aiming at CT and two schooling shows at this point... but I almost wonder, what's the point.
But I also wonder... what else can I do? I don't want to wander without any goals. And I don't have a ton of money to spend. I don't think I like other sports after being spoiled by ride times and the generally required (and thus, not an extra fee I have to pay) stabling. My horse life has been broken up into "getting good enough to compete" time and then "competition". Once Foxie went lame, I laid low and dreamed about getting a competition horse because, well, competing was what I did. I feel a lot of anxiety and confusion, because I should want to show. Everyone around me seems to want to show. And how else do I get to run and jump like that?
But still, I feel... lost. Caught, kind of.
I don't go to any shows anymore, it is too expensive and with my work schedule I want to spend the small amount of time I get to ride, well, RIDING instead of waiting around all day at a show. Now instead of showing I take my horses trail riding, camping, and riding around to visit my neighbors. I hope your season goes well!
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of your points, though ride times mean that at least you don't spend all day waiting around at the ingate - you still spend way more time at the show grounds than you want to. I think I might have to get brave enough to take Bailey on some trail rides this year... she's finally mentally stable enough that I think I wouldn't get dumped and left if something scary happened!
DeleteUgh yea showing is definitely not worth it if it's only a source of stress!! We are super lucky in my area to be legitimately surrounded by all kinds of opportunities and plenty of starter trials. Lots of schooling and inexpensive options everywhere. It really helps keep things fun and low key bc there's not such a big outlay in cash and time for each outing. Maybe once the weather turns you'll feel differently about wanting to get out and about? Nbd if you don't tho - the horses probably aren't sitting there like, "ahem shouldn't we be competing now!??" Lol
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't know if I enjoy shows because spending $400+ on entry fees alone and thinking about stopping out on the first few fences of XC tends to fog my ability to think rationally XD. You make very good points - these feelings may be very well influenced by Minnesota winter doing it's thing.
DeleteAfter moving out of Area II up here to desolation land of WNY, it was a big adjustment having all the cheap and close schooling and showing opportunities taken away. I've made a point to stick to my budget and only go to shows that are close (and therefor affordable). It limits my opportunities a little bit, but it's also made me expand what I show in. I feel like I need to compete or I lose all motivation to ride, so we do some hunter shows (even though we suck at them) and we go to hunter paces (even though my horse is a psycho at them). I'm still showing so it gives me something to work towards, but it takes some of the pressure off knowing that it's not the end of the world if I don't do well in those side shows.
ReplyDelete...hopefully that makes any sort of sense lol
Thanks for that! I've been eyeballing some of the local hunter shows as inspired by your blog, actually! I'm still a little nervous about falling off the horse when doing something fun and losing her (cue the horrible daydream of her galloping down a freeway or otherwise killing herself in a public and traumatic way) but it's getting better every time we try something new and she doesn't freak the frak out. I was feeling ok about only doing a few things because of price, but after dealing with show management as a non-competitor... I'm a little disenchanted.
Delete